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  #11  
Unread 05-28-2022, 06:46 PM
John Isbell John Isbell is offline
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Hi Carl,

I think Susan's progressing might solve my little issue as well, since you can progress in whichever direction!

Cheers,
John
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  #12  
Unread 05-28-2022, 06:59 PM
Carl Copeland Carl Copeland is online now
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Thank you, Susan. “Progressing” gives perfect consonance, and "advancing" perfect assonance, if I can put it that way, so to my ear one’s as good as the other. I’m partial to “advancing” for the reason I explained to John, though that’s just my pet theory and can’t be proved from the original. John had a different issue with “advancing,” so I’ll think about it.

Carl
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  #13  
Unread 05-28-2022, 07:18 PM
Susan McLean Susan McLean is offline
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Carl, I don't know whether you have noticed that assonance rhymes are quite popular in song lyrics, but that contemporary poetry favors consonance more in slant rhymes. I think the songs play up vowels more, and the poems use the less obvious echo of the consonants. Preferring rhymes to be less obvious is probably part of the larger snobbery about rhyme in general. I'm pro-rhyme, so assonance is fine with me, but the overall trends are something to be aware of.

Susan
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  #14  
Unread 05-28-2022, 07:28 PM
Carl Copeland Carl Copeland is online now
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That’s fascinating, Susan. I had no idea there were slant-rhyme trends. I’m not a terribly trendy person, but I’m also easily influenced (for better and for worse), so I’ll let it sink in. Thank you.
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  #15  
Unread 05-29-2022, 07:13 AM
David Callin David Callin is offline
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I think it's a lovely translation, Carl. A lot of that is obviously going to be down to the original, but it seems clear that you've done it justice.

And "advancing" works fine for me.

Rightly or wrongly, the poem reminds me of this, by Vladimír Holan, as translated by George Theiner:

Resurrection

Is it true that after this life of ours we shall one day be awakened
by a terrifying clamour of trumpets?
Forgive me God, but I console myself
that the beginning and resurrection of all of us dead
will simply be announced by the crowing of the cock.

After that we’ll remain lying down a while…
The first to get up
will be Mother…We’ll hear her
quietly laying the fire,
quietly putting the kettle on the stove
and cosily taking the teapot out of the cupboard.
We’ll be home once more.


I had this read at my mother's funeral. It seemed just right.

David
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  #16  
Unread 05-30-2022, 02:23 AM
Carl Copeland Carl Copeland is online now
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Thank you, David. Especially for the Holan poem, which really is the perfect tribute to a mother and the home she created. You and Holan really got to the heart of things here, because I read the Yevtushenko poem at my own mother’s funeral just a little over four years ago. It was the best I had to offer.

Carl
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  #17  
Unread 05-31-2022, 04:51 AM
David Callin David Callin is offline
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A good choice, Carl. There are not many poems that would fit such an occasion, but these do, I think.

Cheers

David
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