Eratosphere Forums - Metrical Poetry, Free Verse, Fiction, Art, Critique, Discussions Able Muse - a review of poetry, prose and art

Forum Left Top


Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 09-22-2018, 11:29 PM
Erik Olson Erik Olson is offline
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 1,703


I admire this. It is in a minor key, isn't it?. I have no nits to mention, only approbation. Your thread title was classical; I am inclined to archive this among classic examples of melancholic lays indeed!


Reply With Quote
Old 09-25-2018, 09:35 AM
Rick Mullin's Avatar
Rick Mullin Rick Mullin is offline
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Northern New Jersey
Posts: 7,722

Thanks Martin and Erik.

I'm glad that getting the name of the "holiday" (Patriot, no Patriot's) right clarifies things.

I can't really explain why those lines read as in-keeping with pentameter, Martin. Metrically, I think they flow with the rest. My career has been one of trying not to plod as much as I used to....

Thanks all,
Reply With Quote
Old 10-06-2018, 11:27 AM
Catherine Chandler's Avatar
Catherine Chandler Catherine Chandler is offline
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Canada and Uruguay
Posts: 5,666
Blog Entries: 33


Only two nits: the repeat of the word "empty" within a few lines of each other (L2 and L5). I think the second one can easily be replaced by another adjective for the "ominous feeling."

Second nit, already mentioned by Sam. You say it doesn't work metrically, but it's perfect, if you think about the tripping.

Nice one.

Reply With Quote
Old 10-06-2018, 11:53 AM
J.B. Marshall J.B. Marshall is offline
New Member
Join Date: Sep 2018
Location: Maryland
Posts: 63
Default Romance in F minor

Hi Rick,
I'm really enjoying this poem, but I have to ask something.
This sonnet is 15 lines - not 14.
Was that intentional?
Intentional or not - it's effective.
Reply With Quote
Old 10-06-2018, 10:02 PM
Martin Rocek's Avatar
Martin Rocek Martin Rocek is offline
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: NY, USA
Posts: 4,175

Hi Rick,
This is very well done. The first four lines are good--very typical Rick Mullin. That is why I think changing things up and going with Mark's 11 line version is the way to go; I would also adopt Sam's meter stumbling suggestion, and then you will have solved both of Cathy's problems.

Thanks for the read!

Reply With Quote


Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump

Forum Right Top
Forum Left Bottom Forum Right Bottom
Right Left
Member Login
Forgot password?
Forum LeftForum Right

Forum Statistics:
Forum Members: 7,932
Total Threads: 19,580
Total Posts: 253,052
There are 220 users
currently browsing forums.
Forum LeftForum Right

Forum Sponsor:
Donate & Support Able Muse / Eratosphere
Forum LeftForum Right
Right Right
Right Bottom Left Right Bottom Right

Hosted by ApplauZ Online