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  #11  
Unread 02-27-2021, 01:05 PM
Jayne Osborn's Avatar
Jayne Osborn Jayne Osborn is offline
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Hi David,

…Yes, as you and I have discussed, I’ve moved this from the Non-Met board.

I think it’s great (and suggest, when it’s finished, that you send it to George at Snakeskin). Brits (of a certain age - like me, ahem) absolutely loved The Avengers. Steed remains the all-time epitome of the perfect English gentleman.

I'm a bit worried about Jim, though, I have to say: “The fact that I am…indifferent to the lure of exotic automobiles…” Really, Jim??? Oh dear. (Only joking - I'm a bit of a petrol-head myself.)

I think I, too, prefer the original ending, David... but I'm not against the idea of alternatives. Let's see if any other suggestions come up.

Jayne
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  #12  
Unread 02-27-2021, 02:27 PM
Martin Elster Martin Elster is offline
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I’ve never (as far as I remember) watched The Avengers, but coincidentally, Allen posted this in his recent thread:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Allen Tice View Post
Anyone foolhardy enough to watch the link should disregard the northeast Atlantic cinematic accents and 19 kilobang candelabrum, and rather deal with its message as if addressed to someone resting beside a spinney, viz., I like Greensleeves the song very much. Also, I disavow any videos that might follow.

This is by way of enriching your experience on this thread.
I like the rhymes very much, but the meter is not regular to my ear. Not that it matters, since many poems (lots by Ogden Nash) rhyme without having a fixed meter.
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  #13  
Unread 02-28-2021, 09:48 AM
conny conny is offline
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The Avengers was a bit early for me, though I appreciate the
fun of this. hero’d and B-road is either genius or awful, and
I still can’t quite decide.

Also,
I think the title needs an upgrade,
and L.1 is just too wordy imo. It’s all True, obviously,
but in poetical terms is a bit of a clunker.


The funniest thing about the Avengers is how the name Emma Peel
came to be, and I wondered if that could get a mention somewhere.
in the original script the female character was described as having
M-appeal, as in appealing to men, and the name kinda invented
Itself.




"..""............................................. .....................................
Quote:
Originally Posted by David Callin View Post
REVISION

When it comes to chic and cheerful 60s motors,
Mrs Peel’s Lotus

takes some beating. What other hero’d
look so at ease on an English B-road,

putting in the languid miles
from Chelsea to Chalfont St Giles,

Moreton-in-Marsh or Minterne Parva
to sort out some palaver?

A telephone box, a village green,
a pub, and some fiendish machine

that could cause us all a spot of bother,
of one sort or another,

will come together, coalesce:
it will all look a bit of a mess

for a while, but she will sort it out.
When she has fought it out,

seen off the bad job lot of them,
she’ll cap it with some apothegm –

nothing too highbrow,
lest Steed should raise an urbane eyebrow,

like God the Father, gently reproving
the energetic Child too passionately moving

through the fallen world that might
be put right, but not wholly right.

ORIGINAL

When it comes to chic and cheerful 60s motors,
Mrs Peel’s Lotus

takes some beating. What other hero’d
look so at ease on an English B-road,

putting in the languid miles
from Chelsea to Chalfont St Giles,

Moreton-in-Marsh or Minterne Parva
to sort out some palaver?

A telephone box, a village green,
a pub, and some fiendish machine

that could cause us all a spot of bother,
of one sort or another,

will come together, coalesce:
it will all look a bit of a mess

for a while, but she will sort it out.
When she has fought it out,

seen off the bad job lot of them,
she’ll cap it with some apothegm –

nothing too highbrow,
lest Steed should raise an urbane eyebrow.
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  #14  
Unread 02-28-2021, 10:33 AM
Andrew Frisardi Andrew Frisardi is offline
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Very fun read, David. I don't associate the rhythm with a theme song, but its jauntiness and jaggedness work well with the content. So mainly I'm just chiming in to say I really enjoyed it, and to add that I don't like the new conclusion so much. The poem is a light romp, and even tongue-in-cheek theology drags it down a bit for me, at the end.

Dave, that is hilarious about M-Appeal.
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  #15  
Unread 02-28-2021, 01:01 PM
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Jayne Osborn Jayne Osborn is offline
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Quote:
...hero’d and B-road is either genius or awful, and
I still can’t quite decide.
Haha, Dave, I think it's definitely the former!

And I agree with Andrew, David, regarding the ending. I preferred the poem finishing with Steed and his urbane eyebrow.

Jayne
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  #16  
Unread 02-28-2021, 01:24 PM
Jim Moonan Jim Moonan is offline
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.

Hmm. So keep it light then. Or...

...Since you followed me once over the cliff, how about this time: Maybe you could begin the poem with the last two (added) couplets. That might give the subsequent jauntiness a real kick in the arse to start and it will be all downhill from there.

Mrs. Peel had a glockenspiel, too. Or so I hear. It could just be the brakes squealing around a turn...

Delete. Carry on.

.
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  #17  
Unread 03-01-2021, 06:40 AM
David Callin David Callin is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jayne Osborn View Post
Haha, Dave, I think it's definitely the former!
My sentiments exactly.

Jayne (and Andrew), I think you're right. I enjoyed rising to Jim's challenge, but I agree that I need to remove that new four-line coda. (Sorry Jim.)

George, at Snakeskin, has snapped it up already (in its original form, of course). It was supposed to appear in February, but there was an editorial kerfuffle of some sort. It will be in April's, all being well, as March is a themed issue.

Thanks, Martin. I have come to like these wayward line lengths. And that is a strange coincidence. Did you watch the video? Such style!

Conny - Dave? - I did not know that about Mrs Peel. Very strange original choice for the character's name.

Thanks Andrew. Very pleased you enjoyed it.

Jim ... well, it was worth a try, wasn't it? I appreciate the challenge.

Cheers all

David
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  #18  
Unread 03-01-2021, 07:09 AM
Jim Moonan Jim Moonan is offline
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.
You could try to join it to some 007 intrigue.... Ha!

It's obviously best to leave it as a homage of sorts to an era gone by (or has it?) Everyone says so. Even most of me says so. (There is often a tiny me that says, "More!") Enough is enough.


.
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  #19  
Unread 03-03-2021, 09:54 AM
Mark McDonnell Mark McDonnell is offline
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Hey David,

I agree that the new ending isn't necessary. Otherwise, it's absolutely spiffing fun. I was a bit too young for The Avengers, but I get the gist.
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  #20  
Unread 03-03-2021, 11:47 AM
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Jayne Osborn Jayne Osborn is offline
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Quote:
I think it’s great (and suggest, when it’s finished, that you send it to George at Snakeskin).
Quote:
George, at Snakeskin, has snapped it up already (in its original form, of course).
Result!!!! I'm delighted that you took up my suggestion, David

Jayne
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