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Unread 02-09-2019, 06:22 PM
R. S. Gwynn's Avatar
R. S. Gwynn R. S. Gwynn is offline
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: Beaumont, TX
Posts: 4,202

I assume you've been reading Robert Bly. The poem is cold-blooded and should read well, but I prefer muskrat love. This is expressionist love, a la Kokoschka.

Last edited by R. S. Gwynn; 02-09-2019 at 06:26 PM.
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Unread 02-10-2019, 10:36 AM
Andrew Szilvasy Andrew Szilvasy is offline
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 1,523

Hi Sam,

I have not been, though you are not the only one who's suggested this.

I like the idea of it being "expressionist" love, and am glad you think it should read well, even if it isn't really your cup of tea.
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Unread 02-10-2019, 10:57 AM
Mark McDonnell Mark McDonnell is offline
Join Date: May 2016
Location: England
Posts: 2,601

Hi Andrew,

I kind of miss the enjambment on 'fire/trucks' because I liked the oddness of how the original line ended 'dolls and fire'.

I also miss "I" which seemed to say a lot with punctuation.
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