[Glenn Wright]

Version 2

Jesus Prepares to Cleanse the Temple

The holy places retain only the faintest scent
of the sanctity that once drenched them.
Houses of God have now become cisterns of perversion.

The abundant water flowing from Ezekiel’s Temple has dried up.
Children throw trash, scrawl graffiti, fire bullets
in the sacred precincts where hypocrites preach prosperity.
Those who venture into a cemetery step carefully over syringes.

The Privileged congratulate themselves, make money,
gossip with friends, meet their lovers, plot against their enemies,
paying no heed to the agonized moans of the Holy Ghost.
————————
Edits
L1: The holy places, until recently, retained the faintest scent > The holy places retain only the faintest scent
L3: Houses of God have now become stinking whorehouses. > Houses of God have now become cisterns of perversion.



Version 1

Jesus Prepares to Cleanse the Temple

The holy places retain only the faintest scent
of the sanctity that once drenched them,
the dimmest glow of the glory that once blazed in them and above them.
Houses of God have become spiritual whorehouses.
Hypocrites peddle a gospel of self, push out the poor.
The abundant water flowing from Ezekiel’s Temple
has dried up. Children kick trash and fire bullets into the sacred precincts.
They scrawl graffiti on synagogues, churches, and mosques.

People on their way to make money, to gossip with friends,
to meet their lovers, or to plot against their enemies
tread on consecrated ground, meet in church basements.
Those who venture into a cemetery step carefully over syringes,
passing cracked and crumbling gravestones without praying,
paying no heed to the agonized moans of the Holy Ghost.

[John Boddie]

Glenn - I think you have some good material here, but you might consider tightening it up a bit. There are points where it seems (to me) that you slide into preaching cliches to the converted.

Take a look at dropping S1L3, 4 and 5, and also S1L8. You could pull what's left into a single strophe and I think it might give the final line more impact.

JB

[Glenn Wright]

Thanks for the suggestions, John. I think condensing is a good idea. I posted “Version 2” with that in mind.

Glenn

[Julie Steiner]

Glenn, I have trouble seeing Jesus in this narrator. Jesus's motivation for cleansing the temple and this narrator's seem pretty far apart to me. Perhaps it would be helpful to hear what you think was going on in the original, and why it made Jesus angry enough to flip tables.

I didn't see Version 1, so I can't compare. Is there a way you might restore that?

[Glenn Wright]

Hi, Julie—

Thanks for sharing your impression. I left the first version on the first post underneath the revision. It’s still there on my screen.

Most of us imagine Jesus as a calm, approachable, loving shepherd. He does display righteous anger several times in the Gospels, though, most memorably in his confrontation of the money changers in the Temple, which appears in all four Gospels. Jesus also gets pretty exercised when he rebukes hypocrites (calling the pious-seeming Pharisees a “brood of vipers”) and even getting pissed off at a fig tree!

I started by asking, “Since Jesus lost it with the moneychangers, why does He allow the abuses perpetrated in His name by today’s self-styled Christians?” Then I tried to imagine what might be going through His mind just prior to His taking action.

[Julie Steiner]

I would find this poem more convincing if the title weren't telling me that I should be able to see Jesus's point of view presented in the poem.

I do see some parallels between the moneychangers and merchants and the modern preachers of the Gospel of Prosperity (although I was under the impression that the moneychangers and merchants had a tenant-landlord arrangement with the religious authorities who allowed them to conduct business in that space, while the modern preachers hawking profitable books and videos and blessings ARE the religious authorities).

When your narrator immediately moves on, to decry the fact that children are vandalizing houses of worship and drug users are leaving syringes in cemeteries, I think, "Hold on — those wayward kids and drug users are the lost sheep that the Jesus in my Bible would abandon the less troublesome 99 to go and help."

The term "whorehouses" also seems off-target to me, since the sexual context of that term makes me wonder how it can be that this narrator has absolutely nothing to say about the clergy sex scandals. (And also because the Jesus in my Bible did not sneer at women of sexually immoral reputation.)

The poem shifts from complaining about the spiritual rot within religious institutions to complaining about literal, physical decay of church property. Maybe I'm being too literal again, but it sure seems as if we've moved from a reflection on people profiteering from their religious connections to a curmudgeonly 'there goes the neighborhood' or 'kids these days have no respect' rant. Which I find a lot less interesting.

That seems to be the only shift in the poem, though. There's no call to action or other indication that there will be a cleansing.

The second version makes it clearer that the target is the superficially religious people, which I think is a good thing (but I expect others here to disagree, since clarity is not as poetic as ambiguity is). But I don't think the new "until recently" is helpful, because anyone familiar with the seamier side of Church history in the Medieval and Renaissance periods will have to question that.

[Glenn Wright]

Hi, Julie—

Originally Posted by Julie Steiner

When your narrator immediately moves on, to decry the fact that children are vandalizing houses of worship and drug users are leaving syringes in cemeteries, I think, "Hold on — those wayward kids and drug users are the lost sheep that the Jesus in my Bible would abandon the less troublesome 99 to go and help." Jesus is describing the current state of affairs in His Church. I tried to make a distinction between Jesus’s condemnation of hypocrites and his lack of condemnation for children who react with disrespect and violence to the Church that has apparently failed them and drug user who litter cemeteries with syringes because they are not being helped.

The term "whorehouses" also seems off-target to me, since the sexual context of that term makes me wonder how it can be that this narrator has absolutely nothing to say about the clergy sex scandals. (And also because the Jesus in my Bible did not sneer at women of sexually immoral reputation.) I had the clergy sex scandals in mind when I wrote it, but I see how it sounds misogynistic. I need to change it.

That seems to be the only shift in the poem, though. There's no call to action or other indication that there will be a cleansing. The title suggests that there will be an “or else” if change is not immediately forthcoming.

Thanks for your thoughtful reading and good suggestions.

Glenn

[Carl Copeland]

Hi, Glenn. I think you’ve responded to John’s and Julie’s suggestions very effectively in the revision. Thank heavens for Julie, btw. I was exposed to some brilliant feminist criticism when I was in grad school (which I never finished), but I can still be woefully oblivious to the sexual and social implications of what I write and critique.

FWIW, I didn’t get the “Jesus’s point of view” that Julie objected to and you said you intended. I started reading this as a retelling of the Bible story and was unexpectedly shifted into the present in L5. That sleight of hand is what I like best about the poem. And I got more than an “or else”—more like “He’s on his way with scourge in hand,” probably coming on the clouds of heaven.

Like Julie, I think I prefer your original first line. The last line is curious: the Holy Ghost in agony seems suspect theologically, but it does leave us with a frisson and the hint of a spooky moaning ghost.

[David Callin]

Hi Glenn. I think this reads a bit too much like journalism at the moment. Can you put yourself into the poem? Would you - could you - write it from His point of view?

Maybe not, but I think a first person voice of some sort is required.

Cheers

David

[R. Nemo Hill]

Well, I think it is just dreadful from the get-go, a screed full of generalizations about modern life that falls flat due not only to the cliché imagery but also to the dubious moral mantle that the narrator dons. It seems to understand as little about the Holy Ghost and the nature of true reverence as it does about the complex inner lives of the poor humans it uses as fodder for its blanket condemnation. Sorry, Glenn, but the poem seems paper-thin, dull, and highly sanctimonious. If a syringe is your symbol of evil, I think you need to look a little deeper—I certainly think a far more interesting poem could be written about syringes in a cemetery, one that could link horror and rest and faith in a far more substantial way.

Nemo