The Passionate Director of the Federal Bureau of Investigation to his Love
(J. Edgar Hoover and his sidekick Clyde Tolson)
I am a scowling, bitter guy,
Director of the FBI;
But darling Clyde, I shall be true,
And love no other man but you.
I always wear my panty hose
And frilly bras beneath the clothes
Of the top G-man in the land;
Men’s underwear is much too bland.
When I have put the crooks away
And leave my desk at end of day,
To take a break from fighting crime;
The nights with you are so sublime.
So, after we have wined and dined,
Our bodies intimately twined;
I promise, Clyde, that you and I
Will be together ’til we die.
(dredged up from my file of failed Spectator comp. entries)