[Douglas G. Brown]

I was a callow stripling
When I toured the fabled East;
I’d memorized my Kipling
(or some of him, at least).

I still admire Burma
From that distant yesterday,
When I strolled its terra firma
On the road to Mandalay.

Now Myanmar's its name
On the UN-sanctioned map;
Nor, am I still the same,
Since my body feels like crap.

That “Burma” nomenclature
Now a-moulders in its grave;
And I approach a fate, sure
As that of Burma-Shave.

[John Whitworth]

La France

Across La Manche, sud-ouest de Thanet,
The finest country on the planet,
(Not counting here of course), la France,
Compound de cuisine et romance,

La France, le plus beau pays du monde,
Une nation witty yet profonde.
Tous les enfants can quote Descartes
Which shows how ils sont toujours smart.

Très cultivés, leurs films et plays
Deserving of the highest praise,
Likewise leurs romans need no boost,
Stendhal, Balzac, Flaubert, Proust,

Les jolies femmes, quel sex-appeal!
Les hommes, quel confidence et style!
Ils even jouent le criquet, yes!
Although (hélas!) sans much success.


I know this is Franglais but I would appreciate any corrections to my O level stuff. Brian?

[Brian Allgar]

What larks, John old chap, what larks!

Here's a bit of red-pencilling.

It should be:

xxLa France, le plus beau pays du monde

And "peuples" is masculine, so it would have to be "profonds", but then it wouldn't rhyme with "monde". What about something like:

"Une nation utterly profonde" or "Une nation pensive et profonde" or ...

"Tres cultivé" should be "Très cultivés" (accent + plural)

Also, "sex-appeal" is masculine (don't ask me why, that's the French for you), so it should be "quel sex-appeal".

And finally, "hélas" needs an accent.

So no gold star, but I won't be putting you in detention either.

[John Whitworth]

Thank you, Brian. I knew you were the man. I think I need to go elsewhere for the bloody accents. I don't mean I don't believe you. I mean getting them in. PAUSE. I've done 'em now.

What about 'confiance' for 'confidence'? 'civile et profonde'? 'sans much' for 'without'?

Feel free to write a verse in Ancient Greek. I will do the same for you. I got 55% in my Scottish Higher fifty years ago.

My daughter passed what used to be called O level French without being able to speak or write a word of the language. Helas!
And you can add the accent. Didn't they get rid of the circumflex? Tut!

[Brian Allgar]

I didn't suggest "confiance" for "confidence", as I thought you might prefer to keep the English word. As it now stands (I see that you've modified it) the line

xxLes hommes, quel confiance et style!

is entirely French. Keeping "confidence" would make it better Franglais. But if you want the French word, it would need to be "quelle confiance" (feminine).

Similarly, the line

xxUne nation civile et profonde

also now lacks an English word. Besides, describing the French as "une nation civile" would only work if you were writing nonsense verse.

What about

xxUne nation [flighty/skittish/haughty ... or something else], yet profonde

P.S. As far as I know, the circumflex still exists. But perhaps I am out of touch, and circumflexion these days is only practised among the Jewish community.

[John Whitworth]

You are right again, Brian. I have changed it again.

[Brian Allgar]

Yep! I think you've now struck the right balance. Your Franglais is impeccable.

[John Whitworth]

Vraiment? Merci un bunch!

[Nigel Mace]

Looking again at the terms of this competition - could it possibly be the case that they'd actually welcome something that was truly sincere - and not just a wit fest? I suppose not - but I couldn't resist trying. No prizes for recognising the lucky place!

....From Leonardo’s distance to the pitch of roofs,
....from cherry loping vines to loggias of ease,
....the shifting shapes of light across this land are proofs
....that patinas from cultured living still best please;
........that swelling slope, its Raphael-cypress crest,
........those sprawling cities skewerd by ancient towers
........whose distant campanile’s peeling blessed
a world which they bequeathed, to rest with longing, at the heart of ours.

....And scything through its spine and constant mountains, sweep
....futurist lanes that speed bella figura’s wheels
....while elegant design and daring colours leap
....from every corso’s travertine, so sight appeals
........to jaded retinas, and with life feeds
........a longing long remembered from some past
........in which we’d known what truly fills our needs -
our joy in human pleasures, that last as long as this land - and its deeds.

Of course, the 16 line limit is a pest - no space for wine, food, music, ideas - or even poetry. (No wise-cracks there, please!) Maybe I should try to go on with it elsewhere - or not.

[Douglas G. Brown]

Nigel,
I would suspect some well-crafted sincerity like yours will be a welcome change to the deluge of light verse entries that the judge will have to plow through. This looks like it might end up in the winner's circle.