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  #11  
Unread 10-24-2010, 11:08 AM
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John Whitworth John Whitworth is offline
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A Cheesy Song

They can roar out a toast to a sizzling roast.
They can whisper a trope to a stew.
They can chant an address to a haggis, no less,
(Though it’s best to be Scotch when they do).
They can eulogize booze any way that they choose.
In a verse that’s as long as you please
And there’s many a fine disquisition on wine,
Yet the poets are silent on cheese.

Where oh where is the Milton who’ll celebrate Stilton,
The Rimbaud who’ll rhapsodize Brie?
Where the curd-kissing Homer who’ll praise the aroma
Of Cheddar on toast for your tea?
There are poets so clever they go on for ever
And publish their epics with ease.
Then they toss off a scrawl about nothing at all.
Can they really stay silent on cheese?
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  #12  
Unread 10-24-2010, 11:26 AM
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Mary Meriam Mary Meriam is offline
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That's a winner, John!

(I thought strophe was two syllables?)
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  #13  
Unread 10-24-2010, 11:47 AM
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Ann Drysdale Ann Drysdale is offline
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Head Cheese

When the rest of the body is consumed
there still remains the makings of a cheese.
The recipe is simple. Boil your head.
Stir it about till all the meat drops off,
reduce the heat and let it simmer slowly
during long wakeful nights. Stir in self-doubt.
Season to taste and thicken with discretion.
Impurities will rise, but do not skim -
these are what give the finished dish its flavour.
Cool it. Leave it alone and let it gel.
Wrapped up in paper, it will keep forever.
Time-honoured standby. Never be without it.
At any time you may be called upon
to scoop and serve a spoonful on a cracker
and, piled on buttered toast, it’s just the thing
for eager little boys with hollow legs.

Last edited by Ann Drysdale; 10-24-2010 at 05:08 PM. Reason: Spotted huge blunder in scansion.
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  #14  
Unread 10-24-2010, 12:17 PM
Jerome Betts Jerome Betts is offline
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Ripe and rollicking, John. My COD gives 'strophe' two syllables (rhymes with 'trophy'), although I always thought it was one, so how about 'They can write subtle strophes to stew'?

And shouldn't 'Scotch' be 'Scots'?
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  #15  
Unread 10-24-2010, 12:58 PM
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basil ransome-davies basil ransome-davies is offline
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Perhaps 'trope' for 'strophe'? But it's a damn good piece, John, & so, in a quite different way, fluent blank verse, is Ann's. Ouch, the bar is set quite high. I did once, back in the day, win with a cheese poem (I think for the Speccie), an ode in praise of Roquefort, but this time, I dunno, as so often my muse & my mojo are AWOL. Back to the Carlos III, I guess.
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  #16  
Unread 10-24-2010, 01:22 PM
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Dieu et mon droit, otherwise, my God you're right, all three of you. Thanks for the tip, Bazza. I have made the change. Scotch was good enough for Doctor Johnson but it's true the North Britishers don't like it. I like annoying them, perhaps because I am myself demi-Scotch. But which half?

Jerome, your emendation is good too. I shall have to consider. I knew (why of course I did - three years at school!) that the word was disyllabic in Greek, but I thought the Elizabethans might have Englished it. But I thought wrong.

Perhaps Lucy has Scotch ancestors. I might change it.

Ann's is a real poem. Mine is a cheerful verse. But perhaps verse wins here.
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  #17  
Unread 10-24-2010, 01:44 PM
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Quote:
Mine is a cheerful verse
John, shouldn't that be 'cheeseful'? (Sorry.)

We have had this challenge before - The Oldie perhaps? - I can't remember, other than that I didn't win.

Speaking of winning...I think you may well have nailed it, John.
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  #18  
Unread 10-24-2010, 02:50 PM
Orwn Acra Orwn Acra is offline
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Thank you, Roger and Jerome. I'm afraid, though, that John has topped us all.
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  #19  
Unread 10-24-2010, 02:55 PM
Jerome Betts Jerome Betts is offline
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A first line floated into my head and I thought I had hit on a brilliant cheese-wheeze. 'Loveliest of cheese, the Cheddar now . .. ' in the AEH vein. But then it dawned on me that somebody had already done this, possibly in the 1930s, and I was just remembering a quotation of the line. Is there anyone among the Sphere's eruditensia who knows the full parody or burlesque?
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  #20  
Unread 10-24-2010, 03:07 PM
Orwn Acra Orwn Acra is offline
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Perhaps you are thinking of James McIntyre, the William McGonagall of cheese? He must be the inspiration behind this week's comp.
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