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  #21  
Old 09-24-2018, 11:58 AM
David Callin David Callin is offline
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What was the song? Did we find out? Sorry, I may not have been paying enough attention.

David
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  #22  
Old 09-24-2018, 01:28 PM
Matt Q Matt Q is offline
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Erik, Annie, David,

Thanks for coming back.

Erik, since you like the silkweed, I'm thinking that fact that it's name is shared with a North American non-algae may not be as much as problem as I'd thought. I'm pleased you like the steam trains. The poem is based a walk out from the town I grew up. I was back there a couple of weeks ago. Along with the bridge (over the canal), tree with rope-swing, weir and its pool, there's also a cycle path / walkway along the side of the river where the now defunct branch line once ran (opened 1863, close 1965). My concern was that this made it sound like the N remembered the stream trains.

Annie, yep that's the stuff. It's look like stands of green hair. I assume it's what's growing on the stone slope of the weir and makes it slippery to walk on, though it's anchored to the stone, which means it might not be silk/blanketweed, which may float untethered, from what I read.

David, it was Leonard Cohen's Take this Waltz that was stuck in my head. I wrote the poem to the tune of the first four lines of the verses. Meanwhile I've enjoyed learning what tunes other people have read it to.

I'd welcome any more thoughts on the revisions.

Thanks again,

Matt
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  #23  
Old 09-26-2018, 07:53 PM
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Aaron Novick Aaron Novick is offline
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Matt, I've often found your metrical work to struggle to feel quite natural in its formal outfit, but no such worries here. This is really gorgeous—timeless, as Mark said.

I've no nits at this point. You've revised it well. "Silkweed" especially is brilliant. The word itself is a poem, and it makes yours better.
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