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  #11  
Old 07-18-2018, 06:10 PM
Jim Moonan Jim Moonan is offline
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I like it, if for no other reason for it's portraiture. It is an ekphrastic of sorts: The man, the placard, the dog the milieu -- at least for the first six lines. the final four lines delve into the the meaning of it all in a larger context -- and I can't figure out what that meaning is exactly. But I like it.
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  #12  
Old 07-21-2018, 11:34 AM
David Callin David Callin is offline
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Thanks all.

More specifically ...

Thanks, Jan, for your quick comment. I think you got from the poem what I think I put into it. I'm pleased.

And the same to you, John (I).

Mark, thank you. I think you might be right about those adjectives. I over-modify, I know. Bad (deplorable, lamentable, etc.) habit.

Thank you John (R)!

Matt, you deserve - for your detailed crit - a detailed response. (Which is another way of saying you brought this on yourself.)

I think your first paragraph sums it up admirably. The journalistic prose is, as you have guessed, a deliberate attempt to use phrases (including estate agents' flimflam) which relate to real estate, but it may not work as well as I would like it to. I think I only introduced the Ossies because they were such a striking feature of the scene when we (us largely non-German speaking visitors) were there, but I admit I also wanted a sort of oblique reference to the Visitors from the East in the nativity story. (The Christmas markets were on so, thinking back, the date might have been December, not November, 1989 - which would work better from that point of view.) But I agree, they are not integral to the point of the poem which is , if I may boldly paraphrase it, that Mensch in Not is a phrase that should really be efficacious in such circumstances - and isn't. At the time it struck me deeply.

Anyway, thank you very much for your very helpful thoughts (and questions).

Hi Michael! I probably won't.

And thanks for the dissenting view, Andrew. If that's how it strikes you, that's how it strikes you. I can't argue with that, and I don't want to.

And Jim, thanks, as ever, for your generous reading of the poem and its intentions.

And thank you all. Gr Gott! (Okay, wrong part of Germany, but indulge me.)

David
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  #13  
Old 07-22-2018, 03:20 AM
John Isbell John Isbell is offline
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Hi David,

A quick note to say I like the prime Frankfurt real estate line. For another human, one in a flash suit for instance, that would matter a good deal more than the Mensch in Not sign, and I think the contrast comes through rather effectively.

Cheers,
John
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  #14  
Old 07-22-2018, 11:47 AM
David Callin David Callin is offline
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Thanks John!

David
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