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  #31  
Unread 01-07-2020, 07:08 PM
R. S. Gwynn's Avatar
R. S. Gwynn R. S. Gwynn is offline
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Simon, the team that shower together win or lose together. At least the Brits would have it that way.
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  #32  
Unread 01-07-2020, 07:10 PM
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R. S. Gwynn R. S. Gwynn is offline
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Andrew, I think you're saying that my little poem needs irony. I would not be averse to someone not reading it without some irony.
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  #33  
Unread 01-07-2020, 07:34 PM
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I’m still puzzled about the final line. Towels are like petri dishes for fungi? As I think I recall, the first version had another word than “breed,” but I might be wrong. I try usually to keep even small changes from earlier versions visible.
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  #34  
Unread 01-07-2020, 11:32 PM
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No, it was always "breed" in posted versions. You see, I played football two years, got hurt, and stuck around as a manager for the other two years. I had a small scholarship, and I felt like I owed them something. Thus, I am hands-on familiar with the locker-room-as-petri-dish analogy.
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  #35  
Unread 01-08-2020, 12:43 PM
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Thank you. (What Mullin said in his first post?) Anyway.
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  #36  
Unread 01-08-2020, 01:25 PM
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R. S. Gwynn R. S. Gwynn is offline
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sport's place in politics, distraction, capitalism and what-not

Does it have a place in love, attentiveness, communism, and curio-shelves as well? Yes, it does,
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  #37  
Unread 01-08-2020, 06:58 PM
Martin Elster Martin Elster is offline
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I think the teamwork necessary in team sports is good practice for other kinds of activities and occupations, including being a team of astronauts going to the moon, living on the ISS, or even journeying to Mars, if we ever do.

I think the poem conveys a mood and a scene in a very vivid and effective way.
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  #38  
Unread 01-27-2020, 04:40 AM
Tim McGrath Tim McGrath is offline
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The first two lines of your final triplet--

No power from the cleansing jet
Absolves or lets the soul forget.

--are more than vaguely reminiscent of Robert Frost:

No memory of having starred
Atones for later disregard

You may have had Frost in mind when you wrote your interpretation of loss and regret. The difference is that yours is confined to a locker room, while Frost made his more universal. Your lines seem to reach for Frostian greatness, but don't quite attain it. I'm afraid that this is most apparent in the third line of the triplet.

Here is Gwynn:

No power from the cleansing jet
Absolves or lets the soul forget.
In corners towels breed--blotched, wet.

And here is Frost:

No memory of having starred
Atones for later disregard
Or keeps the end from being hard.

Frost is simple and direct and yet emotionally resonant, which is why these lines have stayed with me for more than 50 years.

Last edited by Tim McGrath; 01-27-2020 at 07:56 AM.
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  #39  
Unread 01-27-2020, 05:00 AM
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There are other views...

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-51261999


(This was meant to follow Martin's observations on teamwork rather than Tim's excellent piece of criticism.)

.

Last edited by Ann Drysdale; 01-27-2020 at 05:09 AM. Reason: self-explanatory, one hopes...
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  #40  
Unread 01-27-2020, 01:52 PM
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Tim, I said that the poem was about the 2016 elections. That was a joke. Frost's poem was about the 1936 Social Security Act. This is no joke. But his poem is, after all, about a faded movie star.
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