Eratosphere Forums - Metrical Poetry, Free Verse, Fiction, Art, Critique, Discussions Able Muse - a review of poetry, prose and art

Forum Left Top

Notices

Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #31  
Unread 01-27-2020, 09:13 AM
Matt Q Matt Q is online now
Member
 
Join Date: May 2013
Location: England, UK
Posts: 3,623
Default

Nemo, Martin, Vera

Belated thanks for you comments.

I've posted a revision which may or may not address the terrace/shoebox issue.

the empty space within you filled with flats
and houses. Closer now, I see the scars,
the rows of new-cut doors that puncture all
your wings, the fringe of family cars, the toys
left out on lawns. And I'll admit, I feel

Though it may be problematic for all items in the list to be considered scars, I guess. I could go for something like "I see the change".

Nemo,

I'd though of "shoe-boxed" and discarded it, but since you raised it, I've reconsidered it and I'm warming to it again. It does seem to manage to suggest both small and and squeezed in (shoehorned); I may end up going with it.

Martin,

Thanks for coming back. You're not the only one who has problems with "terraced". It does seem to be "terraced" more than "houses" per se that's the issue, since "shoebox houses" doesn't raise the same objections.

Vera,

I'm glad you like it, and thanks for the suggestions, of which I do like "sterile" a lot. Though I also wonder if there's then an issue with modifying the houses and not the flats.


Thanks again all,

Matt
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



Forum Right Top
Forum Left Bottom Forum Right Bottom
 
Right Left
Member Login
Forgot password?
Forum LeftForum Right


Forum Statistics:
Forum Members: 8,072
Total Threads: 20,068
Total Posts: 255,304
There are 88 users
currently browsing forums.
Forum LeftForum Right


Forum Sponsor:
Donate & Support Able Muse / Eratosphere
Forum LeftForum Right
Right Right
Right Bottom Left Right Bottom Right

Hosted by ApplauZ Online