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  #21  
Unread 06-12-2021, 09:56 AM
Ann Drysdale's Avatar
Ann Drysdale Ann Drysdale is online now
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I believe that punctuation mark is known as an "interrobang", Jim.
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  #22  
Unread 06-12-2021, 12:41 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by F.F. Teague View Post
A suggestion for S5:

I want to shout,
Why? Why are you so late?!
Erm, it was clearly a suggestion, not a misquotation.

Anyway, Aaron has remained with his original punctuation, which is cool.
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  #23  
Unread 06-12-2021, 01:15 PM
Jim Moonan Jim Moonan is offline
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Thanks Ann. I'm not surprised it's a thing. I'm always late to the punctuation party : ) However, the larger question I had was that it was not used in Aaron's poem but rather in Fliss's erroneous quoting of the line — and I think it may be the better punctuation for that line!?

What is interesting about the combination is that when used as "?!" it connotes one thing, while "!?" connotes something delicately different.

—But what about the use of the elongated ellipsis on its own line to end the poem? I wonder if it is meant to be exactly that (can an ellipsis be more than three periods? By its definition I would guess yes... But is there added meaning with the added periods? Or is Aaron punking(cuating)me?!)


***

Ah, we cross posted Fliss. Now I see you were suggesting that punctuation change. Aaron hasn't weighed in yet, so we'll see...

.

Last edited by Jim Moonan; 06-12-2021 at 01:18 PM.
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  #24  
Unread 06-12-2021, 01:53 PM
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Sarah-Jane Crowson Sarah-Jane Crowson is offline
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‘Moved’ works to evoke the Dow Jones Index more for me at least - it’s on the radio that I hear about the Dow Jones and I can read it more easily, I think, as moving, as fluctuating. It also diminishes the river connotations, and it also reinforces the sense of static, anticipatory, frustrated waiting - there’s a subtle shift in that kind of ‘deep referencing’ - now in S4 the narrator’s voice is more frustrated, less describing the small movements around them.

It always takes me by surprise how much word-level choices make a massive difference in how short poems are read. I think this change works.

If we're talking punctuation -
I don’t think it matters much, but I’d get rid of the comma at the end of L1 and let the line break do the work - likewise in S4. Why? Because then there’s an alignment in punctuation doing extra work at the end of each strophe. And it makes the use of punctuation tidy - because otherwise people might (not me people, but people who need/read for the punctuation - and some do) may stumble in S5 which replicates speech but doesn’t have a comma or semi-colon before the ‘why’, and doesn’t capitalise the ‘why’ (and I like that strophe absolutely as is because it catapults me to the worry-space of the narrator so I wouldn’t change that to suit picky readers).

I have a deadline and shouldn’t be here, so apologies if that reads a bit confused.

Sarah-Jane.

I love the word 'interrobang'. I want to make a character now. I bet they would have angry eyebrows and a deep dark fringe.
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  #25  
Unread 06-12-2021, 02:58 PM
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Ignore what I said about punctuation (I've made my deadline so can think now). I get now how it's using it - from the comma as a kind of pause-point to the full stop of complete sentence thoughts. And you don't need punctuation before they 'why' (not sure about the capitalisation, though).

Sarah
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