‘Moved’ works to evoke the Dow Jones Index more for me at least - it’s on the radio that I hear about the Dow Jones and I can read it more easily, I think, as moving, as fluctuating. It also diminishes the river connotations, and it also reinforces the sense of static, anticipatory, frustrated waiting - there’s a subtle shift in that kind of ‘deep referencing’ - now in S4 the narrator’s voice is more frustrated, less describing the small movements around them.
It always takes me by surprise how much word-level choices make a massive difference in how short poems are read. I think this change works.
If we're talking punctuation -
I don’t think it matters much, but I’d get rid of the comma at the end of L1 and let the line break do the work - likewise in S4. Why? Because then there’s an alignment in punctuation doing extra work at the end of each strophe. And it makes the use of punctuation tidy - because otherwise people might (not me people, but people who need/read for the punctuation - and some do) may stumble in S5 which replicates speech but doesn’t have a comma or semi-colon before the ‘why’, and doesn’t capitalise the ‘why’ (and I like that strophe absolutely as is because it catapults me to the worry-space of the narrator so I wouldn’t change that to suit picky readers).
I have a deadline and shouldn’t be here, so apologies if that reads a bit confused.
I love the word 'interrobang'. I want to make a character now. I bet they would have angry eyebrows and a deep dark fringe.