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Old 04-28-2018, 04:39 PM
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Chris Childers Chris Childers is offline
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I've done a version of the second poem here which following Gow & Page I have listed as belonging to the other Antipater (viz. of Thessalonica). Do you have access to their commentaries, or something more recent?

I'll say I'm bothered by the substitution at the end of the first epigram--you could perhaps fix if you got rid of "herds," moved "butchered" (or slaughtered or whatever) up, then used "slaughterer's [or murderer's, etc.] design." No doubt there are other ways to fix this issue as well.

About the second, I agree that I'll/will is not much of a rhyme (really, it's just slant rhyming will with will) and am bothered by "before a line," which perhaps means "queue" but feels like a stretch & is not excessively clear inc ontext. "Slower" might be better than "rougher." Too bad "Judge" and "trudge" can't be got into rhyme position!

C
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Old 05-16-2018, 10:40 PM
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Martin Rocek Martin Rocek is offline
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Andrew,
thanks for working on these. Judging from the samples translated by Dudley Fitts and Kenneth Rexroth, Palladas likes irony and punchy endings. I am afraid that your ending is a bit wooden. This may be too free and too breezy, but maybe something like:

We’re tended well by Death, he feeds us, he’s not lazy,
for we’re his herd of swine; he slaughters us, it’s crazy!

In any case, I think you need a better rhyme word than "design".

Martin
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Old 05-17-2018, 09:56 AM
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Martin Rocek Martin Rocek is offline
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Hi Andrew,
Here is a special treat: I asked Alicia Stallings if she could have a look, and she wrote back:
Quote:
For the second poem, which bears a strong family resemblance to Horace's Carpe Diem ode, I think a little something is missing in the interpretation of the end. For one thing, it is clearly a bit of a reference to the joke in the Odyssey about Elpenor arriving in Hades faster on foot than Odysseus has in his swift ship. But I think the point of "atrapos" is not that it is a rough footpath, but that it is an unbending virtuous path--it is the strait and narrow path, as it were. (The idea of the two roads goes back to Hesiod and is a favorite with pre-Socratics.) Walkers (the virtuous and sober) will still get to Hades, all roads lead there, but we'll have a better time. (On our horse named wine.)
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Old 05-17-2018, 12:48 PM
Andrew Szilvasy Andrew Szilvasy is offline
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Martin and Chris,

These comments are really helpful as I strategize how I should revise. I haven't had a moment to look back at the Greek, but I love all this context. Thanks!
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