Eratosphere Forums - Metrical Poetry, Free Verse, Fiction, Art, Critique, Discussions Able Muse - a review of poetry, prose and art

Forum Left Top

Notices

Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Unread 01-31-2019, 01:03 PM
Jan Iwaszkiewicz's Avatar
Jan Iwaszkiewicz Jan Iwaszkiewicz is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2001
Location: Hunter Valley, NSW, Australia
Posts: 2,629
Default Reveille

The bugle sounds and the drum beats loud.
You swell in the ranks of a roiling crowd,
your chest puffs out and your eye is proud.
Your bubble is born to burst.

Glory’s not what the papers said.
It’s days of fear and nights of dread.
Your nerves are shot and your mates are dead.
Your bubble is bound to burst.

Each year’s a brick to put in your hod.
The bottle’s your pimp and you love the sod
and you stagger to sleep and pray there's a god.
Your bubble’s about to burst.

You thought you’d been and seen the worst
but the queue’s for Hell and you’re standing first.
You can’t turn back and you know you’re cursed.
The bubble you had has bloody well burst

and you wake and you scream for God.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Unread 01-31-2019, 04:07 PM
Martin Rocek's Avatar
Martin Rocek Martin Rocek is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: NY, USA
Posts: 4,335
Default

Jan,
very strong. No nits from me.

Martin
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Unread 01-31-2019, 08:05 PM
Martin Elster Martin Elster is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Connecticut, USA
Posts: 5,738
Default

Jan - I agree that this is strong.

The phrase “your bottle’s your pimp” sounds good, but I’m not exactly quite sure what it means.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Unread 01-31-2019, 08:14 PM
Jan Iwaszkiewicz's Avatar
Jan Iwaszkiewicz Jan Iwaszkiewicz is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2001
Location: Hunter Valley, NSW, Australia
Posts: 2,629
Default

Thanks Martin

Now for repetition but not for redundancy:

Thanks Martin

He is in thrall to and mastered by the bottle. I am sure there may be benign pimps but I would not place the bottle in their company.

Regards,

Jan
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Unread 01-31-2019, 08:49 PM
Martin Elster Martin Elster is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Connecticut, USA
Posts: 5,738
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jan Iwaszkiewicz View Post
He is in thrall to and mastered by the bottle.
That's what I suspected, Jan, though that would mean that the drinker is a prostitute, in a manner of speaking (or feels like one). But as a metaphor, I guess it works all right.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Unread 01-31-2019, 10:11 PM
Jan Iwaszkiewicz's Avatar
Jan Iwaszkiewicz Jan Iwaszkiewicz is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2001
Location: Hunter Valley, NSW, Australia
Posts: 2,629
Default

Martin,

Since prostitution has such a wide metaphorical use i think pimp should be allowed a guernsey.

Regards

Jan
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Unread 01-31-2019, 11:24 PM
John Isbell John Isbell is online now
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: TX
Posts: 3,695
Default

Hi Jan,

I especially like the line "but the queue’s for Hell and you’re standing first."
To me, this has kind of a WW I vibe, but that may be because I'm thinking of "And the Band Played Waltzing Matilda", sung here by The Pogues:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cZqN1glz4JY

Cheers,
John
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Unread 02-02-2019, 03:34 AM
Jan Iwaszkiewicz's Avatar
Jan Iwaszkiewicz Jan Iwaszkiewicz is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2001
Location: Hunter Valley, NSW, Australia
Posts: 2,629
Default

Yes John but it also has some currency for the Second, nowhere near as much as the First however as there was an awareness of the cost of jingoism and the womenfolk had realised the cost of a white feather.

Good catch on and the band played Waltzing Matilda but I do naturally prefer an Australian version.

Regards,

Jan

Last edited by Jan Iwaszkiewicz; 02-02-2019 at 03:40 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Unread 02-02-2019, 05:21 AM
John Isbell John Isbell is online now
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: TX
Posts: 3,695
Default

Hi Jan,

Yes, have you seen the movie The Four Feathers?
The Pogues' version is what I know, but clearly it's an Australian song and deserves to be heard in the original. I believe it dates from the 1970s?
Eric Bogle; I'd forgotten. Here he is: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hHTojtx89Cw
There's a Dubliners version as well - the Irish seem to like the song.

Regards,
John
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Unread 02-02-2019, 05:30 AM
Mark McDonnell Mark McDonnell is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: May 2016
Location: England
Posts: 2,599
Default

Hi Jan,

In its diction and repeated refrains it reminded me of Kipling, who seemed to veer between jingoism and cynicism in his attitude to war. It has an old-fashioned, and probably unfashionable, muscularity. I like it.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



Forum Right Top
Forum Left Bottom Forum Right Bottom
 
Right Left
Member Login
Forgot password?
Forum LeftForum Right


Forum Statistics:
Forum Members: 7,958
Total Threads: 19,405
Total Posts: 248,485
There are 128 users
currently browsing forums.
Forum LeftForum Right


Forum Sponsor:
Donate & Support Able Muse / Eratosphere
Forum LeftForum Right
Right Right
Right Bottom Left Right Bottom Right

Hosted by ApplauZ Online