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  #21  
Old 07-03-2018, 10:22 AM
Max Goodman Max Goodman is offline
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I love the refrain, which draws a uniquely phrased and understandable morning experience. I think the reset of the poem supports it.

I would flip right to a poem of this title from any table of contents in which I saw it. (Not that your poem gains anything from that reaction: I would flip right to anything with your name beside it.)
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  #22  
Old 07-03-2018, 04:32 PM
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Martin Rocek Martin Rocek is offline
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Stick with scorcher--much more concrete and specific.
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  #23  
Old 07-03-2018, 05:48 PM
Aaron Poochigian Aaron Poochigian is offline
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Will do, Martin. Thanks.

Max, thank you for reassuring me on the refrain and the title.
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  #24  
Old 07-03-2018, 07:19 PM
Jason Ringler Jason Ringler is offline
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The mood in the first line is great. How you soften-up after is also great. It took me a while to relate to 3-d emblems. I still cant grasp "between a scorcher and the past" line, I can live with it though. I just want to say the hooray lyric is very relatable to gracious and living beings.
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  #25  
Old 07-03-2018, 07:51 PM
Aaron Poochigian Aaron Poochigian is offline
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Thank you very much, Jason. By "scorcher" I mean the hot day that is coming: between a scorcher (the hot day to come) and the past.

Best,

Aaron
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  #26  
Old 07-03-2018, 08:11 PM
Jason Ringler Jason Ringler is offline
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Aaron I don't know why I couldn't put scorcher and sun together. I get hung up on the simplest things.
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  #27  
Old 07-04-2018, 01:55 PM
Jim Moonan Jim Moonan is offline
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I don't know why you need anything as a lead-in for the refrain. "Hooray" is the lead-in. It throws the door wide open, IMHO.
x
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  #28  
Old 07-08-2018, 11:31 AM
Aaron Poochigian Aaron Poochigian is offline
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Hello, people. I'm thinking about replacing "bodies" with "contours" in the refrain. What do you think:

it’s Hooray
for the way
colors revive
and bodies recur
as a drowsy blur
sharpens to seeing:
Hooray for being
alive
today!


or

it’s Hooray
for the way
colors revive
and contours recur
as a drowsy blur
sharpens to seeing:
Hooray for being
alive
today!


?
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  #29  
Old 07-09-2018, 02:31 PM
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Edward Zuk Edward Zuk is offline
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Hi Aaron,

I much prefer ‘contour’ to ‘bodies’ for the sound.
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  #30  
Old 07-21-2018, 08:00 AM
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Claudia Gary Claudia Gary is offline
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Aaron,

Arriving late, I would just like to thank you for posting this poem. Celebration, gratitude, and justification for same, are in short supply these days.

Beautiful!

Claudia
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