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  #1  
Unread 04-17-2021, 10:49 AM
F.F. Teague's Avatar
F.F. Teague F.F. Teague is offline
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Default Syllabics

Lament of the Leaning Trees

We were planted to stand, not to sprawl in this way
000by the larger of lakes in the park,
to stare straight at the sky through the night and the day,
000not to ogle our own shades of bark.

But the lake has swelled swampily over the years,
000seizing soil in her cool clammy clench,
with a treasure of twigs and grass, sweet chestnut spheres,
000and a hoard of hard wood, once a bench.

How we cling to the earth with our tendrilous toes,
000while the lake laps in sinister sheen,
rousing daily and nightly our powerless throes
000as we lean, and we lean, and we lean.
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  #2  
Unread 04-17-2021, 10:50 AM
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F.F. Teague F.F. Teague is offline
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I'm sorry I haven't posted for a while. I've been very ill, but I'm doing my best to get better. I hope everyone's keeping well.

Best wishes,
Fliss
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  #3  
Unread 04-17-2021, 01:33 PM
James Brancheau James Brancheau is offline
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Love this, Felicity. And the music in it. Can't think of anything to pick at. Very fine work.
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  #4  
Unread 04-17-2021, 03:31 PM
Cally Conan-Davies Cally Conan-Davies is offline
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Hi Fliss!

So sorry to hear of your illness. Sending you a well-spell!!

My first, strong impression of your poem is how regular the meter is. Did you consider posting it on the Metrical board where it would get the benefit of poets who are highly experienced in meter matters? Prosody is not my element, however I hear your poem as ballad meter, alternating lines of anapestic tetrameter with anapestic trimeter. Is this what you hear, too?

Cally

Back again! Fliss, I knew the meter of your poem reminded me of something, and I've just remembered! It's this, by Byron:

“When a man hath no freedom to fight for at home,
Let him combat for that of his neighbours;
Let him think of the glories of Greece and of Rome,
And get knocked on the head for his labours.

To do good to Mankind is the chivalrous plan,
And is always as nobly requited;
Then battle fro Freedom wherever you can,
And, if not shot or hanged, you'll get knighted.”

Last edited by Cally Conan-Davies; 04-17-2021 at 03:53 PM.
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Unread 04-17-2021, 05:51 PM
James Brancheau James Brancheau is offline
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Post removed. My apologies to Cally. I was in the wrong.

Last edited by James Brancheau; 04-18-2021 at 06:37 AM.
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  #6  
Unread 04-17-2021, 06:37 PM
Cally Conan-Davies Cally Conan-Davies is offline
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Thank you, James, for picking me up on this! Fliss can of course post wherever she likes.

Fliss, please know that I had no intent to insult you! I am so impressed by your metrical chops that I thought of Byron!! It made me think of the Metrical board because of all the things I've learnt there from formal poets, about diction and phrasing choices when strict metre is used. I just thought you might get a wider response.

But a poem is a poem, wherever it appears, and I'm glad you're posting your lovely work again.

Cally
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Unread 04-17-2021, 07:18 PM
James Brancheau James Brancheau is offline
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Post removed.

Last edited by James Brancheau; 04-18-2021 at 06:38 AM.
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  #8  
Unread 04-17-2021, 07:22 PM
mignon ledgard mignon ledgard is offline
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Default Felicity's Lament

Felicity,

What a beatiful name!

This poem of yours is among the most beautiful I've read in a while. It is timeless and musical, with very touching imagery. It's meaning reaches deep within and I identify with the Leaning Trees, to the point of emotinal reaction.

I really have no words to describe the awe and how I commiserate. I thank you, immensely, for this wonderful gift!

May your recovery be speedy, Fliss! We need more poems like yours.

~mignon
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  #9  
Unread 04-17-2021, 08:19 PM
Roger Slater Roger Slater is online now
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I'm not sure why it's "insulting" to suggest a metrical poem should be posted at Metrical, nor do I understand the reference to "considering who sometimes posts on met." It seems to me that the misunderstanding here comes from the poet's choosing "Syllabics" as the title of the thread, since the squib description of Metrical states "Syllabics and non-metrical forms should be posted in Non-Met." As a simple matter of definition, not a value judgment, this is not a poem that is in syllabics, but is accentual-syllabic. Personally, I don't at all care where it is posted, but it does strike me simply as a misunderstanding and not any sort of statement or principle at work.

I like the poem overall. The line that gives me some trouble is the hoard of hard wood, once a bench. It's hard to see how a single bench (however it got there) could be made of a "hoard" of wood that is responsible for making the trees lean. Beyond the individual lines, it does feel as if there is some sort of metaphor just yearning to peek out its head from beneath the surface, but for me it hasn't emerged. The situation is described -- the trees are leaning, and they're not happy about it -- but I'm not really getting any secondary meanings that would make the poem resonate more deeply.

Last edited by Roger Slater; 04-17-2021 at 08:29 PM.
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  #10  
Unread 04-18-2021, 02:02 AM
James Brancheau James Brancheau is offline
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(It was how it was worded, or, most likely, how I perceived it, Roger. I'm letting it go. Carry on with the poem, which is definitely worthy of attention, no matter where it's posted.)
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