Eratosphere Forums - Metrical Poetry, Free Verse, Fiction, Art, Critique, Discussions Able Muse - a review of poetry, prose and art

Forum Left Top

Notices

Closed Thread
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Unread 06-18-2021, 10:47 AM
Aaron Poochigian Aaron Poochigian is offline
Member
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,634
Default The Perfumatorium

The Perfumatorium

Reader, I want to be that roan retriever
tightening the leash
to heave still closer to the fever
of cheddar radiating from a quiche

and nudge the diner’s gonads on a bench.
The funk of magic herb,
of tar, even the heady stench
of trash in tattered plastic on the curb,

constitute all-out rapture in her nasal
existence. An exhibition
of priceless items for appraisal,
air fascinates with each piquant emission,

each tang and stank. There is so much to learn,
it seems, from poo and piddle,
from rancid chicken, from a fern.
Big nostrils, I have used you far too little.
__________________
Aaron Poochigian
  #2  
Unread 06-18-2021, 02:04 PM
Sarah-Jane Crowson's Avatar
Sarah-Jane Crowson Sarah-Jane Crowson is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: UK
Posts: 852
Default

Ha! That cheered me up after a long day. Ewww, though, too. A canine smorgasbord of disgusting olfactory sensations - and then the fern at the end, all green and gentle (unless it’s the dog’s favourite pissing spot).

I like, too, the idea of the now/the moment of scent being likened to the priceless artefact in museum, and the final addressing to the nostrils made me laugh out loud, though I also agree that the world of scent is overlooked (possibly thankfully with the smells here) & it’s nice to approach sensory perception from a different perspective.

I’m thinking that ‘stank’ is a deliberate change from ‘stink’ so you get the sound-mirror with ‘tang’? It might be a typo, though. Love nasal/appraisal & quiche/leash. Maybe, just maybe, ‘funk of magic herb’ reads a bit clever-clever. Love ’fever/of cheddar’ - that’s so weirdly apposite and kind of horrible, too.

Sarah-Jane
  #3  
Unread 06-18-2021, 06:32 PM
R. Nemo Hill's Avatar
R. Nemo Hill R. Nemo Hill is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Halcott, New York
Posts: 9,508
Default

This is just great, Aaron.
I love all of it.

I've just been sitting on my porch at dusk watching my cat sniffing every inch of the air, and then I came in a read this, ha!

Nemo
  #4  
Unread 06-18-2021, 07:27 PM
Allen Tice's Avatar
Allen Tice Allen Tice is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Brooklyn, NY USA
Posts: 5,617
Default

Quiche? How niche.
  #5  
Unread 06-19-2021, 07:37 AM
Jim Moonan Jim Moonan is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 3,195
Default

.

Wow.
Crisp and smokeless as fire.
I am in awe of your command of the language and the sound of music in it.

.
  #6  
Unread 06-19-2021, 08:11 AM
Aaron Poochigian Aaron Poochigian is offline
Member
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,634
Default

Thank you, all, very much.

Sarah-Jane,

thanks as always for your detailed comments. Yes, "funk of magic herb" is playful--perhaps too much? "Stank" comes from black vernacular, as in the Outkast song,

"Girl, you'd like to thank
that your shit don't stank. . ."

"Stank" sounds so much stinkier than "stink". It rhymes with "rank," after all.

Nemo, thank you very much. In your description, Upstate NY sounds so tempting--a pet, a porch, a yard! I have a dumb nose but I am trying to train myself in olfactory discernment.

Allen, thank you for "niche" (in one pronunciation) rhyming with "quiche" and "leash." The only other true rhyme, I think, is "sheesh."

Jim, thank you so much for enjoying this!

Best,

Aaron
__________________
Aaron Poochigian
  #7  
Unread 06-21-2021, 01:44 AM
John Isbell John Isbell is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: TX
Posts: 5,647
Default

Hi Aaron,

This is splendidly rhymed and constructed. I think my favorite line is this: "of trash in tattered plastic on the curb," which is perfect, but I also am partial to the close. Great stuff, no nits. Also the rhymes guide us aptly and precisely through the narrative, a thing I questioned in passing on an earlier poem of yours. :-)

Regards,
John

Last edited by John Isbell; 06-22-2021 at 05:07 AM. Reason: adding this: a "
Closed Thread

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



Forum Right Top
Forum Left Bottom Forum Right Bottom
 
Right Left
Member Login
Forgot password?
Forum LeftForum Right


Forum Statistics:
Forum Members: 8,219
Total Threads: 20,995
Total Posts: 266,618
There are 389 users
currently browsing forums.
Forum LeftForum Right


Forum Sponsor:
Donate & Support Able Muse / Eratosphere
Forum LeftForum Right
Right Right
Right Bottom Left Right Bottom Right

Hosted by ApplauZ Online