[Tim Murphy]

The True Miracle of the Loaves and Fishes
(Matthew 14: 14-20)
The True Miracle of the Loaves and Fishes
--Matthew 14: 14-20


It wasn’t that He made more fish and bread,
for that would be mere magic. Any fake
Messiah (there were many) could easily make
the baskets swell until the crowd was fed.
He knew as no one in the multitude
that what they truly hungered for was not
to fill their bellies—though that was what they thought
—but rather for a more essential food.
He passed the baskets; as the people took
his offering they looked within and saw
their hearts were starved, and knew that to withdraw
mere food would starve them more. So each forsook
the bread and fish and passed the baskets on,
and those who’d brought some food put theirs inside
until, behold, they all were satisfied
although unfed, their deeper hunger gone.

[Jim Hayes]

When I read a poem as good as this is, how seeming effortless it tells a story so sublime, I do not ask myself can I write as well for fear of the answer.

[Tim Murphy]

There's a relaxed, conversational, unassuming voice that is Wakefield's. It's partly a function of the looseness of his loping iambics. That's why the recent suggestions at Deep End that he cut High Desert to tetrameter were so very off-base, however well-intentioned. One must never forget that Richard's PhD thesis is on Frost. I have all his poems in manuscript, but this was an easy pick, given the audience of one Christian poet for whom it is intended. Never have I seen Richard put his voice in the service of a nobler poem, one which "blears my een wi' greetin'" each time I read it.

[Bruce McBirney]

Richard, what a great poem! Ever since I first read this in your e-book a few months ago, I've thought that this was one for the anthologies.

Best wishes.

--Bruce

[Don Kimball]

Richard,

As a retired family therapist and a Christian agnostic, I think this is a truly marvelous poem! I love the way it realistically reframes an old Christian story (which I thought I understood ...), and by doing so, it enlarges the meaning of the story - giving it a vital systemic wisdom that I had not seen before. I have read this poem aloud to my mother. I plan to share it with some old and dear friends (who were colleagues of mine; pastoral psychotherapists as well as a family therapist). It has now become one of my favorite two stories of an amazing prophet. I thank you for this poem and for the small, unexpected revelation it has given me.

Take care, Don

[Richard Wilbur]

Alan Sullivan here taking dictation from RPW. Tim intends to post an additional note on this poem. It seems that RPW based his comments on a slightly different draft from the one in the younger RPW's newly published ebook.

I think Richard Wakefield's "The True Miracle of the Loaves and Fishes" is an extremely well turned poem. The argument of it is paid out to us at a good pace and with consistent density. One thing I particularly like about it is the serious wordplay of the line "a look inside they looked within and saw."

I'm quoting outside its grammatical flow, so it doesn't sound as good as it is. I like the word play because it makes sense, and also because this isn't a disruptive moment of cleverness in a poem which otherwise doesn't have much play.

I felt when I first encountered this that it was an impressive block of lines, and after I finished with it I noticed that it could in fact conveniently be broken into four quatrains, aerated, you might say. The only word I don't like in the poem is the word "forsook" which occurs five lines from the end. It's meant to say that the people didn't take any of the bread and fish. But I think it has overtones that Mr. Wakefield doesn't want and it seems too much as if the word had been chosen for the sake of the rhyme. I really think that Mr. Wakefield would do better to say something like "forewent" instead of "foresook," and I think that if he used the word "bent" three lines back, it might work.

RPW

[Tim Murphy]

Sorry for the confusion, I'd mailed Dick an earlier draft. Adapting his bent/forwent suggestion to that draft, the quatrain would read:

He passed the baskets and as the people bent
to look inside they took a look and saw
their hearts were starved and knew that to withdraw
mere food would starve them more. So they forwent...

Dick is going to type some comments on the other poems which we'll transcribe tomorrow afternoon.

[R. S. Gwynn]

I think Dick is right on target about "forsook"--a problem with denotation that I didn't notice the first time through. But I don't think that "forewent" will work either. I strikes me as too unusual a verb to be in this rhyming position. Like "forsook" it calls too much attention to itself. The poem has a wonderful movement, propelled as it is by its logic to a final line that is admirable in every regard.

[Richard Wakefield]

I chose "forsook" because it seemed to me to imply that they were doing more than merely not taking bread or fish; they were renouncing a whole way of life that involved "taking" things. I also agree with Sam that "forwent" is so unusual that it's likely to draw too much attention to itself.
However, my intentions with "forsook" are irrelevant if people -- especially these people! -- don't perceive it as I intended. It will be changed, but to what remains to be seen.
Well, to be talked about among this company as if I were a real poet is about as much as I ever hoped for. My humble and sincere thanks to all.
Richard

[This message has been edited by Richard Wakefield (edited February 07, 2003).]

[Robert J. Clawson]

[quote]Originally posted by Richard Wakefield:

"I chose "forsook" because it seemed to me to imply that they were doing more than merely not taking bread or fish; they were renouncing a whole way of life that involved "taking" things."

I took "forsook" as natural to the voice of this poem, and, weirdly heard echoes of "fish hook." Be careful about discarding it, despite the suggestions of these eminent workshoppers. Remember what Alicia said about diction being poetry, and especially what she said about "the tall poppy." "Forsook" is definitely a tall poppy, but we can learn to love the tall poppy. Check it out with Alicia.