David, I very much like the reference that unenclosed provides to that historical 'enclosure of common land' that so dismayed John Clare. Though I think leaving it as its own sentence might be hitting it too hard. Why not just tag it on to what came before, and let it melt into the reader's mind?
and stands around you unenclosed.
I suppose you might shop around for a replacement for the word encumbrance.
And you might make the lines that begin with although their own sentence.
But overall I really like the effect and movement of the whole poem, being an inveterate walker myself.
You might even consider an brief epigraph from John Clare, which would make the poem complete a thought-circle when it came round to the word unenclosed at the end.
Nemo
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