[mignon ledgard]

Jim,

I am reading the second part of the excerpts and I include suggestions, in order from top to bottom.

Second sentence:
“I am sure” could be dropped.

Third sentence:
Start with “Reading them together is like being at a spa waiting to be physically pampered and rejuvenated by touch, smell, and sound.”

Fourth sentence:
I know you are referring to the effect and the spa, but I think it is a thought that includes and transcends that setting and moment, therefore an opportunity to elevate it to ‘Time is a fleeting interlude’, (I haven’t checked if it’s been pegged by someone.)

Fifth and Sixth sentences:
At first, it seems you are referring to the many authors in the same list, but I think it a great idea to have Rilke and Kafka at a spa—a sprouting poem?
(These two authors are among my favorites, too!) It would be an engaging conversation between them - ha.)

Seventh Sentence:
Here, I reach a stumbling block of sorts because I am enamored with the idea of a reunion of favorites having an amazing conversation. I suppose the thoughts of a graveyard could fit in, if the N were an invisible snooper or a ghost, but it is abrupt and, yes, I see the story is about the N, and it still would be, but - SIGH.. This is brilliant.

I think Matt is right about tightening up, but be careful not to make it lose the mood’s flavor, not to take away vitality.

Even a stream of consciousness, which I love, needs to be revised, methinks. This is why you posted, but I’m feeling like a mean Catholic nun flicking a ruler against a desk. Ay ay ay..

Somewhere, you mention your candor. It comes through and I'm glad you didn't lose it. Guard it during the cropping.

~mignon

Addendum: the mention of a graveyard right after the spa seems like an anti-climax. This is where I will start reading it again.

Addendum 2:

I think I’m only now catching on. First, the N tells of being “an obscure writer.” Then, I realize the first mention of a spa is a mum introduction to the story that takes place in Thailand. At this point, I come to see how the long attempts trying to suggest ways to make it smoother for the reader would go against the obscurity. It’s been a “surreal” trip and it’s time to recuse myself.

Wow, Jim, a marathon runaround!
~m