[Glenn Wright]

mignon and I have been enjoying exploring the works of Jorge Luis Borges. In response to her recent poem about the objects in her daughter’s house that reveal her family, Roger mentioned that it reminded him of this sonnet by Borges which I was not previously familiar with. I decided to attempt my own translation of it.

Things

The walking stick, the silver coins, the key fob,
the docile lock, the half-done research job
that in my few days left I’ll not be able
to read, the playing cards, the little table,
a book, and in its pages the desiccated
violet from a night commemorated,
certainly unforgettable, now forgot,
the westward-facing mirror, holding the hot
illusion of scarlet sunrise. So many things!
Limes, thresholds, maps, glasses, keys on rings,
they serve our every need like silent slaves,
blind and oddly discreet! When we’re in graves,
they will last when we are past recall;
they’ll never know that we have left at all.

——————————-
Edits:

L1: The walking-stick, the small coins, the key-fob, > The walking stick, the silver coins, the key fob,
L2: the manageable lock, the research job > the docile lock, the half-done research job
L6: violet, from an evening commemorated, > violet from a night commemorated,
L7: certainly unforgettable, now erased, > certainly unforgettable, now forgot,
L8: the red western mirror which has embraced > the westward-facing mirror holding the hot
L9: the burning illusion of sunrise. So many things! > illusion of scarlet sunrise. So many things!
L12: as blind and oddly discreet as corpses in graves! > blind and oddly discreet! When we’re in graves,
L13: They will last long after we’re past recall; > they will last long after we’re past recall; > they will last when we are past recall;


Original:

Las Cosas

El bastón, las monedas, el llavero,
la dócil cerradura, las tardías
notas que no leerán los pocos días
que me quedan, los naipes y el tablero,
un libro y en sus páginas la ajada
violeta, monumenta de una tarde
sin duda inolvidable y ya olvidada,
el rojo espejo occidental en que arde
una ilusoria aurora. ¡Cuántas cosas,
limas, umbrales, atlas, copas, clavos,
nos sirven como tácitos esclavos,
ciegas y extrañamente sigilosas!
Durarán más allá de nuestro olvido;
no sabrán nunca que nos hemos ido.


Crib:

The Things

The walking-stick, the coins, the key-ring,
The manageable lock, the late/overdue
notes that the few days that remain to me will not [be] read,
the playing cards and the card table,
a book and in its pages a withered
violet, commemoration of an afternoon
without doubt unforgettable and now forgotten,
the red western mirror in which burns
an illusory sunrise. So many things!
Limes/files, thresholds, atlases, glasses, keys,
they serve us like silent slaves,
blind and strangely discreet/secretive!
They will last beyond our oblivion;
they will never know that we have left.

[Roger Slater]

Why did you do it in couplets? It seems like an unnecessary liberty. Borges used a rhyme scheme that is more sonnet-like, though not typical:

abba
cdcd
effegg

I wouldn't say you need to translate with the exact rhyme scheme, but couplets seems a bit too unnecessarily far from what Borges did.

I don't have time to say much more at the moment, but I'll mention my biggest issue on first reading. You've stuck "corpses in graves" into the poem, but it's not in the original. That's a pretty big move, and it might work if it somehow was in the spirit of the rest of the poem, but I think it jars. The things are not the corpses. They're what will outlast us and never miss us or even know we were there. We're the corpses.

[Glenn Wright]

Wow! That was fast, Roger! Your response came less than a half-hour from my posting!
I liked your observation about the corpses. You’re quite correct that we are the corpses—not the objects. The fix was an easy one, but I think it greatly clarified the intent and logic of the poem.
As for the couplets, it seemed to me that even though Borges chose to write about some objects for which he once had emotional attachment (the withered violet, for example) most of the objects seem very pedestrian. His intent seemed to me to be more universally philosophical than deeply personal. In English philosophical poetry, closed pentameter couplets (à la Pope or Dryden) are a natural choice to signal this tone. I liked highlighting the contrast between personal (sonnet) and impersonal (couplets) that the poem presented.

[mignon ledgard]

Glenn!

I'm laughing. I, too did the translation, but what is always more interesting is the research, so I entertained myself, though it's only the start.

Here's what I got:
https://aullidolit.com/cosas-poemas-jorge-luis-borges/

It starts ith titls of his poms:
El reloj de arena, Una brújula, una moneda, Habla un busto de Jano, Caja de música, Un libro («apenas una cosa entre las cosas»), etc. También inquietaban al autor del Aleph, por cierto, la flor marchita que el viajero del tiempo de Wells trae consigo desde el porvenir, o la rosa que el soñador de Coleridge rescata del Paraíso.


Naming a few: Hourglass, To a Coin, A book ("barely a thing among things").

I'll add to this. vv problm too difficult.

~mignon
Oh, original has at last on mistak - I truly think you ought to find anothr sourc.. sigh

[Carl Copeland]

Glenn, I’m so grateful to you for the chance to study this sonnet. I made a mental note to look it up when Roger mentioned it, but those mental notes have a way of getting lost. A few first thoughts:

The walking-stick, the small coins, the key-fob,

The opening line is hard on the meter reader. You could smooth it by replacing “small” with a two-syllable word: little, copper, metal … I don’t think either “walking stick” or “key fob” needs a hyphen, but our British colleagues may beg to differ. Speaking of “key fob,” does it sound too modern and electronic? I’m not sure.

the manageable lock, the research job

What’s a “manageable lock”? If “docile” works as a translation of “dócil,” it would make a nice personification, rather than sounding like some kind of ingeniously convenient lock. Then you’d need metrical filler, of course. A “research job” lacks the mundaneness of “notes.”

they will last long after we’re past recall;

“After we’re past” seems a little much. How about “they will last when we are past recall”?

All in all, very enjoyable.

[Glenn Wright]

Thanks, mignon and Carl—

The article you cited is interesting, mignon. It is true that Borges often almost obsessively lists and overthinks everyday objects, giving them a kind of magical significance. He shows this trademark tendency in “Borges y yo” as well.

I used several of your suggestions, Carl. In L1 I lost the hyphens and replaced “small” with “silver” to improve the scansion. I was a bit puzzled by “dócil” as a description for a lock and at first concluded that Borges meant that the lock was easy to manipulate—hence, “manageable.” Upon reflection, I decided that Borges intended to personify the lock as one of the “silent slaves,” so “docile” works. This gives me two extra syllables to clarify that the “notas” are “tardías” because they represent a project that he is late in finishing and so are “half-done.” Your suggestion for L13 took the metrical hiccup out and made the concluding couplet read much more smoothly. Thanks for the help.

Glenn

[Roger Slater]

All my comments are below.

Originally Posted by Glenn Wright

mignon and I have been enjoying exploring the works of Jorge Luis Borges. In response to her recent poem about the objects in her daughter’s house that reveal her family, Roger mentioned that it reminded him of this sonnet by Borges which I was not previously familiar with. I decided to attempt my own translation of it.

Things

The walking stick, the silver coins, the key fob, You might consider "My" instead of "The". I'd also omit "key" and just leave it "fob", for the meter.
the docile lock, the half-done research job "docile lock" sounds odd, however natural it might sound in Spanish. I'd omit the adjective. Just "lock" would be true enough, I think, to the original. Also, I don't know where you got "research job" but I'd send it back. I don't see anything about research in the poem, and "research job" is a forced phrase.
that in my few days left I’ll not be able
to read, the playing cards, the little table, "tablero" isn't a little table. It refers to the tabletop in particular, or a plank/board. It can also mean a blackboard or a game board (chess?) or a corkboard of some kind.
a book, and in its pages the desiccated
violet from a night commemorated,
certainly unforgettable, now erased, You've lost the irony/tone/wordplay of "sin duda inolvidable y ya olvidada"
the red western mirror which has embraced The mirror isn't western. It is facing west, but to look in the mirror you must face east, which is why there is an illusion of sunrise.
the burning illusion of sunrise. So many things!
Limes, thresholds, maps, glasses, keys on rings, I think "doorsteps" sounds more natural than "thresholds", and would be accurate as well.
they serve our every need like silent slaves, "our every need" is filler and not what Borges is saying
blind and oddly discreet! When we’re in graves,
they will last when we are past recall; If Borges only wrote one poem, this might be fine, but he wrote lots and lots of poems, and the word "olvido" is one he returns to again and again. It's far stronger than forgetting, since it means oblivion. When there's oblivion, there's no one to do the forgetting. Given that this is a key word in Borges' poetry, I wouldn't translate around it.
they’ll never know that we have left at all. It feels a bit weak to end on two words that don't do anything but fill out the rhyme. As far as sense is concerned, you could have put a period after "left" and it would mean 99.9% the same thing, especially since you have already spilled the beans with "When we're in graves" that "left" means "died" (though there are no graves spoken of in the original).

——————————-

[Glenn Wright]

Hi, Roger—

Thanks for the detailed comments! I’ll share my thinking on the points you raised.

1.The word “fob” refers with increasing frequency to the remote devices that open cars and garage doors and less often to what are called “key chains” in the U.S. and “key rings” in the U.K. This is what Borges means. I kept “key fob” hoping at least to keep the key image.

2. The “notas tardías” must be referring to unfinished, overdue notes that the speaker was working on. Since Borges was an author and a librarian, it follows that those notes would be research for a project in one of those areas.

3. “tablero” can refer to a gameboard, like a “tablero de damas” or checkerboard. It can also refer to the kind of small folding table called a “card table” in the U.S. that often has a checkerboard or backgammon board printed on it.

4. In L 7-9, I made some changes that incorporated some of your suggestions. I was able to preserve Borges’ polyptoton with “inolvidable/olvidado” and also clarify the trick with the mirror. Your comments were very helpful here.

5. I think “past recall” carries the sense of “oblivion” and adds the connection to remembering and forgetting that colors the Spanish word “olvido.”

[mignon ledgard]

Glnn,

I had a long 'thing' of commnts and it vanishd th momnt I clickd to post it. Th typing problm cam back full bully and I think I should post my translation in anothr thrad to mak it 'facil' -- I coud say vvhy I choos this or that.. You could ask -- your own curiosity, not my choosing vvhat to say that may com handy. Not at any time past have I tried to learn th author and find his vvork that links, to translat his vvork. I strongly think it is a must for J. L. Borg_s.. This is vvhy I post_d th link. It's basic info and if you look at all of it, it adds to th list in a short vvrit. I should translat it --I think it shovvs corr_lations.

May-b,
Sigh,
~m

[mignon ledgard]

Glenn,

What I meant to say did not come out as it should have, nor did the manners. I apologize. I really meant to say as I believe I said before, that it would be for you to see if you could use any part of my translation. I get swept by anything Borges that pops up before me, including lectures and interviews. I downloaded his complete works, but I do not think there's an English translation, which I imagine would take a lifetime to achieve, more than a thousand pages!

Personally, I really should not get absorbed by his 'channel,' knowing that there is not much for me to offer--it is so huge! Oh but I love the discussions and 'live' is so special.. While I know there is not enough time to catch up with the fifteen-year amalgam of my own writing. Also, my daughter would like me to write 'memories' that she, and her family and friends would like to learn about and enjoy. I do not write enough about family. Privacy is cherished and virtually inexistent today--my awareness of this comes in the first person, and I hope she will not have to live through similar experience. It is also true that writing from recall is not as exhilarating.

In short, I really have no time for a giant like Borges. I will never finish learning about him and from him, and I am thankful for your enthusiasm about his work--I succumbed to your post on Borges and instantly got back on his track, while off of my own track. I think of Nietzsche's words I read as a teenager, 'Loco, loco poeta.' I am not claiming to quote him at this point, but I do paraphrase, and I think this may be applicable to most poets--the fervor, the push it takes, the insanity of it that does not allow the sportsman's leisure to collapse at the end of a tough match. The mind will not let, and we see marvelous poems that come from the most intimate suffering--because it is greater than we are, this 'other realm' where only those who share the passion reside.

And I did not mean to expand, either. I will continue to share any findings, though I am sure they are risible to those who are far more acquainted with this genius.

I am grateful,
~mignon

Note:
I am glad to add that, at this moment, there is no impediment as I type directly to this window. Freedom to expand! So I did!