[R. S. Gwynn]

I've just sent this to Tom Cable re. his West Chester panel on experimental prosodies. I'd be interested to see what you all make of it.

When Lyle picked his pen up to write
The floor fell quiet as a church,
And Ann soon began to explain
About flowers and the door frame
And men who had known the girl’s name.

[Jerry Glenn Hartwig]

When Ly-le picked his pen up to write
13/13/24/213
The floor fell quiet as a church,
13/24/12/13
And Ann soon began to explain
13/41/31/23
About flowers and the door frame
12/31/21/42
And men | | who had known the girl’s name.
14/12/31/23

L5 seemed tricky - a comma after 'men' would help, I think. I 'assumed' one there.

I'm curious to see how others scan it.



[This message has been edited by Jerry Glenn Hartwig (edited June 14, 2006).]

[Carol Taylor]

Sam, I'd call it fairly unremarkable anapestic trimeter with subs.

Carol

[Jerry Glenn Hartwig]

Carol

I'm beginning to think I over-analysed: but what about L2? I can't force that into trimeter.

[R. S. Gwynn]

It is octosyllabic, of course. But that's not what I was getting at. I'll let y'all kick this around for a few days (clue there).

[Janet Kenny]

Sam,
In tight-lipped British it reads thusly:

when LYLE picked his PEN up to WRITE
the FLOOR fell QUIET as a CHURCH,
and ANN soon beGAN to exPLAIN
about FLOWers AND the DOOR FRAME
and MEN who had KNOWN the girl’s NAME.

( Line three could have "ANN SOON". I also can stress "AND" in the last line as well as, and with "MEN".)

I could do it some other dialects.

Janet

Here's a Latin American version:

when LYLE--PICKED his PEN up to WRITE
the FLOOR-- FELL-- QUIET as a CHURCH,
and ANN--SOON beGAN to exPLAIN
about FLOWERS--AND the DOOR--FRAME
AND MEN who had KNOWN the girl’s NAME.
~~
Or a version of dimeter with an odd line 4:

when LYLE picked his pen up to WRITE
the FLOOR fell quiet as a CHURCH,
and ANN soon began to exPLAIN
about FLOWERS and the DOOR frame
and MEN who had known the girl’s NAME.




[This message has been edited by Janet Kenny (edited June 14, 2006).]

[R. S. Gwynn]

I should have said "it appears to be octosyllabic." The meter is actually fairly regular iambic pentameter, if that helps.

[Terese Coe]

Actually, it doesn't help at all...

But you knew that. There's something tricky going on here, and the unmistakable clue is the idiocy of the words...

Sam, what are you up to, you trickster?!

[David Mason]

I think it's accentual verse, but whether three or five beats is up to the auditor. In any case, it's not a masterpiece.

You get this off an album cover?



[This message has been edited by David Mason (edited June 14, 2006).]

[Janet Kenny]

I saw a TV quiz where well known pop singers had to sing prose taken at random from history text books in such a way that the rest of the panel could recognise the song. It dawned on me that the show was run by the secret service branch of Eratosphere.