[David Callin]

When I heard that Elvis had died,
my first thought was not that I
had lent him five pounds in nineteen-
ninety-something, but that came
soon afterwards. I had never
got it back. I did not think him
willing to address the point.
In truth, I got off lightly,

but ours was only a nodding acquaintance,
in the pub or the post office
or at the bus stop
on high days and holidays,
done up in full Vegas regalia.
"Right, Tony?" Not really a question, more
a sort of ritual naming. He,
of course, could never remember mine.

He showed me once - the occasion
of the five pound touching - the scrapbook
of his one trip to Memphis
and its holy suburbs: the pilgrim,
ruddy-faced, sideburned, grinning
as though certain of the day when he
would join the heavenly Jordanaires
at the right hand of the King.

[Glenn Wright]

Very enjoyable! A rollicking tribute to Elvis as a deity of rock and roll! I would definitely be willing to pay five pounds to have even the most casual acquaintance with the King.

[Mark McDonnell]

Every small town seemed to have its own Elvis, didn't it? Chorley had one when I was growing up. You could see the shrine through the lace curtains of the terraced house and he would emerge on a Saturday morning in full jumpsuit glory and go off to the bookies. They were always fat Vegas Elvis, though, never trim, sexy Jailhouse Rock Elvis...

This is lots of fun, David, and brought back images I haven't thought about in years.

[Roger Slater]

I enjoyed the poem as well. My biggest issue is the line breaks. I don't have the vocabulary to argue for or against any particular line break, I'm afraid, so I'll just have to unhelpfully say that I don't think they are escorting me through the poem in the optimal way. Perhaps it's subjective, but, for example, ending L2 on "I" seemed awkward to me. I would suggest that you play around with different line breaks, and possibly a pattern of strophes (two-liners, three-liners, etc.) until you find an arrangement that provides more of an assist to the pacing and syntax. But overall, I like!

[David Callin]

Thanks Glenn. This was a Pretender, of course. As Mark says, most places in Britain - and the US, I imagine - had at least one of their own at one time. I don't see any young ones coming up, strangely enough.

Great details in your comment there, Mark. I love the lace curtains.

And yes, always Vegas!

And thank you, RogerBob. I very much feel my way through the line breaks in a poem like this. Maybe my internal rhythms are not like yours, or maybe - quite possibly - I just got them wrong in places. I will try to retrace my steps a bit. Very glad that, in general, you liked it anyway.

(Final thought for all ... it may be bad form to to say so, but I'm pleased with my title. That doesn't often happen.)

Cheers

David

[Phil Wood]

Yes, a title to be pleased with! I see you've revised the ending. For the better I feel.

[David Callin]

Hello Phil! Nice to see you dropping in. Ah, you noticed the revised ending. Thanks for that. Yes, it's much better, I think.

Lhiats

David

[Perry Miller]

I think this is a great poem, a very effective and poignant slice of life. I really like it.

I have only one small question:

"He showed me once - the occasion
of the five pound touching - the scrapbook"

Why are you referring to the lending of money as a "touching"? Is that a British usage I'm not aware of?

Otherwise, everything is great. It's nice to read a poem which isn't full of dreams, ideals, aspirations and hopes for the future (though they have their place), but which is based on real life.

[David Callin]

Hi Perry. Thanks for that. The "touching" is a genuine turn of phrase in this part of the Old World. If I'd described it to a friend at the time, I would have said "Blimey (not to be too Dick Van Dyke about it), Tony just touched me for a fiver". I know that sounds as though I've paid him a fiver to touch me, but such was positively not the case.

(RogerBob, I'm still thinking about my line breaks.)

Cheers

David