[mignon ledgard]

Originally Posted by Matt Q

Hi Mignon,



Just to say that none of the pages in poetry workshop threads show up in Google. First page, last page, they're all protected. It's just Fiction where there's currently a problem with the protection.

Matt

Matt,

Sorry for the misunderstanding and thanks for being on top of things,
~m

[mignon ledgard]

I posted revision 2

interruptions

~m

[Yves S L]

mignon,

To answer your question, I knew that the passage would have to be reworked because the nature of metrical poetry is that is interlocking, so a change in one place necessitates a change in another.

I have seen your latest revision. You have clarified the passage about the guitar and piano. I don't know what I feel (subconsciouos + conscious conclusions) about this this new revision yet.

[mignon ledgard]

Originally Posted by Yves S L

mignon,

To answer your question, I knew that the passage would have to be reworked because the nature of metrical poetry is that is interlocking, so a change in one place necessitates a change in another.

I have seen your latest revision. You have clarified the passage about the guitar and piano. I don't know what I feel (subconsciouos + conscious conclusions) about this this new revision yet.

. . . and I agree; it lost heart and is rubbish-filled. I'll keep at it.
Many thanks!
~m

[mignon ledgard]

Glenn,

‘Dinggedicht’ has a sound that my dad would have found a way to match with a little wordplay. He spoke more German than he thought he knew—in his sleep!

My mom started embroidering in high school. There is plenty to say about her, including her love of limericks she would recite for hours, given the stage.

I’m glad this little poem is liked. Maybe because it’s homey? And glad it makes room for some discussion.

Could you think about presenting fewer objects and showing how each object is a key to understanding its owner and the relationships among the family members?

I think that’s a different story. Maybe I’ll do that, too. But changing this one may ruin the fun you had figuring it out, and the fun I’m having as you share a new and bigger story nudged by this little poem. Your imagery is alive—do you paint?

You might consider a different title.

Revision 2 has a new title: Yesterday Takes a Seat—maybe it’ll do.

Or choose something that ties in with your great angel image?

I do actually have a “great angel image” in a poem I wrote in the year 2000. Are you psychic? I smile..

I hope the new title answers your last question(s). It’s a complex set of seemingly related questions—and my next question is: are you a philosopher?

Many thanks for your thoughtfulness, the fun, and the encouragement to explore and push the limits.

“Fine work” sounds better than a splendid coconut geode.

Danke, and Muchas Gracias!
~mignon

[mignon ledgard]

Matt,

I’m glad you like and enjoy this ‘little’ sonnet. Specially my ostrich egg, of course.

Theres a 2nd revision coming, but I didn’t know ‘amid’ was a bit of a no-no, since I use it quite often and only sporadically make a sonnet, which I hardly ever share. I find them very relaxing to write. I’ll try to find another word for amid—I’m curious now.

I think I fixed the grandpa issue—a 2nd revision is ready to go, but I’m having keyboard trouble and also trying to catch up with the wonderful posts.

Your suggestion is a good one, ‘Above the Fireplace’ -- as it should have been, but it, too, is problematic. The last revision has yet another title (?) I think it's kidding..

Thank you for your thoughts and suggestions,
~m

[Roger Slater]

But the sonnet concludes with the étagère, which has nothing to do with the fireplace, the hearth, or the chimney. I don't really understand why any of these locations need to be mentioned in the title. Why not a title like "Still Life"?

[mignon ledgard]

Originally Posted by Carl Copeland

Lovely revision, Mignon. The long lines didn’t bother me, but you’ve trimmed them to good advantage: it’s now clear that father and grandpa were the same person, and “fossil mud” is neater and prettier. You’ve told me about the guitar, but it still strikes me as odd to have the experience of your grandson singing and playing the piano summed up as “guitar and passion.” It doesn’t seem to have bothered anyone else, though, so never mind me.

Carl,

Grandpa is out, but I must go on trying to fix other parts.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts!

~mignon

[mignon ledgard]

Originally Posted by Roger Slater

But the sonnet concludes with the étagère, which has nothing to do with the fireplace, the hearth, or the chimney. I don't really understand why any of these locations need to be mentioned in the title. Why not a title like "Still Life"?

Roger,

Sometimes, an incongruent title works. But the poem is dainty and short, and it’s not a funny poem. Mischief is out, though I still love the image you painted. ’Still Life’ is good; I’m keeping it in mind.

Thank you for coming back and for your accurate feedback.
~mignon

[David Callin]

I agree that is very nice, mignon. Beautifully chosen and displayed memories. Would it be unreasonable of me to ask for a full-blooded rhyming couplet to round things off? Probably.

I like it anyway.

Cheers

David