[Jayne Osborn]

Originally Posted by Catherine Chandler

I assume the title is hyperbolic !

Maybe not, Cathy. My husband and I once kept the corks (yes, hundreds of them) from all the bottles of wine we got through over many years. Later on we had a garden party which included a Guess How Many Corks contest, with a prize for the closest number. People found it hard to believe we'd drunk that much vino! (The answer was . . . no, I'm embarrassed to say )

I like this sonnet a lot and have only a minor nit.

Close to the end of June, here is the first
bottle of wine I've opened since the fight
on New Year's.

It might just be a regional thing but where I live we wouldn't say ''on New Year's." It would have to be either "On New Year's Eve" or maybe "at New Year", signifying sometime just before or just after New Year's Eve. But as I said it's only a minor thing.

Having considered umpteen ideas of what to do with hundreds of corks myself (drat, I never thought of making a raft), I really like

discard? Repurpose? (Coasters, trivets, raft...)

Nice one.

Jayne

[Jennifer Gordon]

Ex-lovers seeming almost a pointed theme now I'm on my second such chosen number, alas that iambic is given a wink and tossed out the window, leaving flow an arbitrary thing and nonexistant the whiles we stumble through the wreckage from five months earlier and mull a prettier closure than simply tossing all vestiges. The metre forced in numerous instances, tis simpler then to lose oneself in the situation unfolding rather than attempting a proper critique of craft.
Ah, golden silence.
I enjoyed the images decking out this stanza and lingering thought of whither in the happy face of peace. Sheesh, at that rate I want to quip "thanks for sharing."

[Claudia Gary]

Many thanks to Aaron for choosing this poem as a finalist, and to those who commented here and liked it, whether or not you voted for it. Yes, the subject is smallish and "private," and the poem is quiet and meditative. I had hoped it would exemplify exactly what Aaron said: "making something" out of a failure's remains. A failed relationship just happens to be one form of that. I hadn't noticed that the final couplet continued with a sort of recycling, as Aaron pointed out, but I guess that may be inevitable once such a process gets started.

Cathy, thank you for bringing up the ship of Theseus (which I hadn't thought of), and for mentioning the double meanings as well as the real-versus-synthetic idea. Aside from that, Jayne was right: Unfortunately the title was was not meant to be hyperbolic.

Michael, thank you for liking and commenting on this poem. Re: L8 -- I wish there had been more to laugh about! But I'll think about that line some more, thanks.

Susan, thank you for noticing truths I had not (such as the feeling that the speaker is still at sea), and the effects of the presence or absence of enjambment on rhyme. I'll now probably pay more attention to that in the future.

Julie, thank you for your close reading. I think sometimes discarding is the only way to redeem something, although I may find that hard to do sometimes.

Mary, thank you for your thoughts. As for the turn, I had hoped it was between L8 and L9, as the speaker exits the search for ways to reuse the material and starts asking questions (beginning with whether that would be of any use). Maybe the quietness of the poem makes the turn too unobtrusive, though.

Rick, thank you.

Simon, thank you. And as mentioned with a poem I posted on the sphere a while back, I don't think understanding needs to precede liking.

Martin, thank you. In fact, this poem is the only "craft" that has actually been produced from this material, so far. As for the final couplet, I'm not sure how the change makes sense. Maybe the comma in my last line was intended as an "and" (although the hull is a part of the vessel, right?)

Jayne, thank you. Sadly, you're right about the quantity question, as I mentioned above to Catherine. I think "New Year's" is an acceptable shorthand for "New Year's Day." As for making a raft, it might be more fanciful than feasible...

Cheers,

Claudia

[Claudia Gary]

Jennifer:

Thank you for your comment. I've noticed that here and elsewhere you don't seem to like variations in meter. As you may know, certain kinds of metrical variations have been accepted for a long time. I have made it a point to learn what they are and why, before rejecting variation out of hand. One of my references for this is Richard Moore's book of essays, "The Rule that Liberates." He himself made reference to Cleanth Brooks and Robert Penn Warren's textbook/anthology of poetry.

The simplest way to state these "guidelines," as I understand them, might be to say that it's OK to invert a foot (an iamb to a trochee, for example), provided the following foot goes back to normal. I like to think of this in terms of dancing: you can lean a certain distance without falling over, provided you then lean back. If you lean out a second time instead of leaning back, then you're likely to fall. It's similar in a line of verse.

As for whether this poem is merely about failed love, see my comment in the previous entry.

Best wishes,

Claudia

[Mary McLean]

My concern with the turn as you describe it is it doesn't leave you with enough material to fill the sestet. I think that's why you had to resort to the humdrum lines about the house being quiet. FWIW I would restructure the sonnet, filling out the octet with more material about the past (reminiscence about the good drunken times and/or regret about the wasted time they represent, or maybe even you could include the contrast with the current quietness here), then turn in the sestet to your imaginative ideas for reuse.

Anyway, congrats on making the shortlist, which was very well deserved. There is so much about this that I love. And commiserations if it is based on personal experience.

[Claudia Gary]

Mary, thank you for this worthwhile idea (and for your commiseration). Also, thank you for thinking I had planned the sonnet in such a conscious way! I will consider your suggestions carefully, and see if I can summon up something with more of a crescendo, before calling in the shipfitting crew.

[Jennifer Gordon]

Thank you very much, Claudia, both for your gracious reception of my perhaps less than complimentary (hopefully not unsavoury) comment, as well as for a bit of discussion on the cause and mebbe desirability for deviations in metre, in this instance.

Yes, if we did not stop at Shakespeare, you've even more to your credit from the work of our poetic forefathers to bolster taking freedoms, yet I do enjoy the dancing explanation you gave for it.

It were easier not to critique period, and aghast recently at a popular piece of Charles (Tennyson) Turner's which capably slid in a closing line of hexametre (if I recall aright), the only reason I make an issue persistantly is simply for upholding the highest standards. That's all. Not very appetizing to run across repeatedly, yet hopefully not entirely inexcusable.

Thank you as well for explaining the sonnet's meaning, where I'd unconsciously mistaken it perhaps. I appreciated being reminded afresh of that alternative perspective when sonneteering, or writing any poetry.

Congratulations as well on being a finalist.

Thanks again, and I wish you all success in sonneteering!
Sincerely,
Jenny