[Jayne Osborn]

This comp is rubbish! (Sorry, that was just too predictable, wasn't it?)

Jayne


The Oldie Competition
by Tessa Castro

Competition no. 188
Wheelie bins have become a dominant element of life in a way that dustbins never managed. So a poem, please, dramatic, lyrical or what you will, called ‘Wheelie Bins’. Maximum 16 lines.

Entries, by post (The Oldie, 65 Newman Street, London W1T 3EG) or email comps@theoldie.co.uk (don’t forget to include your postal address) to ‘Competition No 188’ by 3rd April.

[Martin Parker]

We are required to have five different bins and have friends who claim their local Council requires them to have seven. I fear things can only get worse! Correct sorting of household rubbish may soon become a degree subject.

Wheelie Bins

Seven chock-full wheelie bins
standing by my gate,
their contents all apportioned
to appease the Nanny State.
And if the Local Council gets
its way there'll soon be eight –
all waiting for collection by
their team that's two weeks late.

Eight chock-full wheelie bins
standing in a line,
a place where urban foxes come
to congregate and dine.
And if the EU interferes
and makes us toe the line
you can bet your bottom dollar that
there'll very soon be nine.

[John Whitworth]

That's good, Martin. We have only two. I feel a bit deprived. I suppose I will have to pretend.

[Rob Stuart]

There’s nothing more generic than a local council wheelie bin,
But play it with a pair of sticks, you’ve got a glockenspielie bin.
Employ it playing hide and seek, you make it a concealie bin,
If ugly, you could wear it as an added sex-appealie bin.

You could decide to break it up to make a more piecemealie bin,
Or paint the thing in bluey-green and change it to a tealie bin,
Add bucketfuls of custard and, hey presto, a congealie bin,
Or porridge and you’ve got a massive serving of oatmealie bin.

Stick Batman in (and Robin too), create a Batmobilie bin,
Or burn it down in mid-July, et voilà, a Bastilleie bin.
A dinner eaten off it, it's a place-to-have-a-mealie bin,
Or put it in a tiny a cage to render it a vealie bin.

Stick bees and clocks and socks inside, you’ve made it a surrealie bin,
Exchange it for next door’s at night, your substitute’s a stealie bin,
Or try to guess the contents for a ‘Dealie or No Dealie’ bin,
Or slam your scrotum in it for a make-a-high-pitched-squealie bin.

[John Whitworth]

Rob, that's really good

[Ann Drysdale]

In the line about Batman, try "a" in place of "your own"; works better for me. You?