[John Riley]

I've made a couple of changes. What Julie suggested and I worked on L3. I also changed the title. Thanks, Julie. Maybe this is better?

Sam, what are those lines from? I've googled and ended with an AI-generated poem.

Thanks for the help.

[John Riley]

I made a few more nips and tucks.

[R. Nemo Hill]

"The world may be on fire outside."

That would make a great epigraph, or title.

Nemo

[John Riley]

Thanks to each for the additional feedback. Nemo I had not considered an epigraph. That may work.

[R. S. Gwynn]

The dream-vision was a standard genre in the middle ages. Then dreams were taken up by the surrealists, or at least imagery from them. I see from the new title that this is no longer a dream, right?

[R. Nemo Hill]

slip, noun, "a slope built leading into water, used for launching and landing boats and ships or for building and repairing them."

Nemo

[Matt Q]

That sounds like a "slipway", Nemo, a term I do know. It doesn't sound like a place to moor a boat.

On US sites I find "slip" (and "boatslip") described as a mooring place for a single boat. I couldn't find "slip" in a UK glossary of nautical terms, and Collins, a UK dictionary, tells me that "boatslip" is an American word. So, I'm thinking "slip", used in this sense, is too.

In which case, I'm pleased I have a good excuse for not having known it

[David Callin]

First time around - with the new title - I missed that the whole thing was a dream. It does, of course, read very differently when you understand that. At first I thought it was a guileless celebration of spring - which I didn't mind at all - but I agree that things take on quite a different hue once you factor the dream into it.

I prefer it the way you've revised it, John, but maybe you need to reinstate "In a dream", to help the lazily inattentive (like me) not to jump to the wrong but easy conclusion.

Cheers

David

[Jim Moonan]

.
Dreams defy metrics, I think. I wish this were a prose poem (proetry)

I know it’s been a long time since it’s been in vogue to take the title of a poem from the opening line, but I like it — at least in certain situations, like this one. I like the original title.

L3: The image “lilting scent” doesn’t make sense to me.

New morning immediately brings to mind Bob Dylan. It feels like you are trying too hard to make the word “new” do too much in the poem.

.

[R. S. Gwynn]

John, it's just not a beguiling dream. Why would the P care to recall it? Real spring is right outside the door.