[Ella Shively]

She is ironing a blue dress in the white washroom
The heat from the iron warms her hand
The room is filling with the red slant of a falling sun
A kitchen is through the open door
Steam rises from a boiling pot
Her hair is cut at a slant
Her bangs angle down her forehead
A darker red light comes through the window
Her free arm is now covered with red
She sets the iron on its end
She smiles and takes a slow whirl
Her hair is too short to fly up
She turns back to the ironing board
She picks up the dress with both hands
She presses it to her breasts
Now we must make a decision
Does she move into the kitchen to cook dinner
Is the dress her finest
Is she planning to wear it tonight
Is she a young virgin still confused
Is a young husband upstairs
Is he about to disappoint her
Is she a French girl who sings La Vie en Rose
Is she leaning toward the window
Is she still here

Hi John,

This is a unique poem grounded in several images, and each of those images is crystal clear to my imagination. My main critique is that the first half contains quite a few passive or weak verbs that don't work for me.

Thanks for sharing,

Ella

[John Riley]

Jim, thanks for your comments and for thinking so clearly about the poem. Wallace Stevens said the only poems of his he cared about were the ones that flew in his ear. I agree with that although some people say they are baffled by it. This one came to me line by line. I did a little revising but not so much. Thanks again. (My wife still irons certain things.)


Ella, thanks for commenting and I'm happy you find it unique. That's a big deal. I wouldn't dream of turning the verbs you point out into transitive verbs. That would end up with me shoving something artificial. The poem is a scene and a few things in every scene are there and to create an active verb set would be phony. How else could I say "Her hair is cut at a slant?" I'm going on about it because always having an active verb is one of the workshop things that is said too much. It's like "show don't tell" when it's often best to tell.

Thanks again to both.

[Jim Moonan]

.

Originally Posted by John Riley

Ella... I'm going on about it because always having an active verb is one of the workshop things that is said too much. It's like "show don't tell" when it's often best to tell.

Thanks again to both.

I'm so happy to hear you say that. I've always been puzzled by the "show don't tell" advice, even though I understand how it might be better in some situations to show vs. tell. Same, too, with incorporating abstractions. Done well, abstractions can be powerful catalysts to understanding, imo.

.

[Andrew Frisardi]

Originally Posted by Jim Moonan

I'm so happy to hear you say that. I've always been puzzled by the "show don't tell" advice, even though I understand how it might be better in some situations to show vs. tell. Same, too, with incorporating abstractions. Done well, abstractions can be powerful catalysts to understanding, imo.

Well said, Jim.

Those workshop clichés seem to be hackneyed carryovers from modernist poetics. Pound, Williams, etc., were (rightly, imo) reacting against Victorian moralization and abstraction.

Yet when Williams wrote

so much depends
upon

a red wheel
barrow

glazed with rain
water

beside the white
chickens

the abstraction at the beginning is what adds an introspective twist to the images.

John’s poem does something similar at that turn, where the images suddenly rush inward by reflection: “Now we must make a decision.”

Good poem, John.

[John Riley]

I'm pleased to see more discussion of how common workshop suggestions are made too often. What started as worthwhile suggestions have become the easiest things to say about someone's work. Glance at the poem or story, pick a couple out, regardless of how they're used, mention them, and get the job done. Easy peasy.

I'm pleased you like the poem, Andrew.

[Chris Athorne]

Hi.
My thoughts on "Moving Life With Questions".

• A Hopperesque conceit on Still Life.
• I think the repetition of the word “red” makes the tone less colourful.
• Is the “slant” in line 3 needed given its repetition in line 6.
• I’m unsure of the word “presses” in line -11. To me it suggests intense anxiety and I wonder if what’s intended is that natural way we have of holding a garment up to our shoulders to view it.
• At line -10 I am faced with a choice between fantasy, cinema or voyeurism. If “we .. make a decision”, it must be the first whilst the overall drift of the poem suggests the last.
• Final line: “here” or “there”?

My best wishes,
Chris.