[Julie Steiner]

2015 ERATOSPHERE TRANSLATION BAKE-OFF
MAIN EVENT ENTRY D:

This entry consists of two closely-related songs from the play Le bourgeois gentilhomme (The Middle-Class Aristocrat) by Molière (the stage name of Jean-Baptiste Poquelin, 1622-1673).

Translator's Note:

"Je languis nuit et jour" is supposed to be a typical song of a courtly lover lamenting over the harshness of the woman he loves. The buffoonish Monsieur Jourdain complains that it is too lugubrious and soporific, and he would like something livelier. Instead he sings "Je croyais Janneton," in which the beloved seems as sweet as a sheep, but is actually more cruel than a tiger. This song is meant to seem ridiculous, though Monsieur Jourdain is very proud of it.

Both songs are presented in dramatic context in this 6-minute video clip with subtitles. (Apologies if this link does not work in your country.)


Title of Song #1:

"I Pine Away Night and Day" ("Je languis nuit et jour")

Lyricist and Composer of Song #1:

French lyrics by Molière, possibly suggested by two songs from the lutenist Robert Ballard (1527-1588); music by Jean-Baptiste Lully (1632-1687)

Sung Versions of Song #1:

1.) Use this link to jump to the start of the French lyrics in the dramatic clip above, performed by Claire Lefilliâtre.
2.) If that doesn't work, try this link.
3.) If that doesn't work, here is another performance of the French lyrics (with different numbers of sectional repeats), performed by a Mlle. Hillaire.
4.) Here is the contestant's English translation, performed a cappella (with no sectional repeats) by the Top Secret Yodeler.


Title of Song #2:

"I Had Thought Janneton" ("Je croyais Janneton")

Lyricist and Composer of Song #2:

French lyrics by Pierre Perrin (c.1620-1675), music by Jean-Baptiste Lully (1632-1687)

Sung Versions of Song #2:

1.) Use this link to jump to start of the French lyrics in the dramatic clip above.
2.) If that doesn't work, you're out of luck, because there don't seem to be any other performances available. But you're not missing much, because the performer is illustrating the character's tone-deafness.
3.) Use this link to hear the contestant's English translation, performed a cappella by the Top Secret Yodeler.


The Competitor's Translations of Both Songs

I pine away night and day, and I cannot recover
not since the time I fell in the spell of your eyes.
If you would treat one so, fair Margot, who's your lover,
alas, alas! What could you do to those you despise.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I had thought Janneton
equally sweet and lovely.
I had thought Janneton
sweeter than any sheep.
Alas, alas! She is a hundred thousand times harsher
than tigers in forests deep.


The Original French Lyrics of Both Songs

Je languis nuit et jour, et mon mal est extrême,
Depuis qu'à vos rigueurs vos beaux yeux m'ont soumis;
Si vous traitez ainsi, belle Iris, qui vous aime,
Hélas! que pourriez-vous faire à vos ennemis?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Je croyais Janneton
Aussi douce que belle;
Je croyais Janneton
Plus douce qu'un mouton:
Hélas! hélas!
Elle est cent fois, mille fois plus cruelle,
Que n'est le tigre aux bois.


The Competitor's Literal English Prose Cribs of Both Songs

I languish night and day and my suffering is extreme,
since to your harshnesses your lovely eyes subjected me;
If you treat thus, beautiful Iris, one who loves you,
Alas! What could you do to your enemies.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I believed Janneton
as sweet as lovely.
I believed Janneton
sweeter than a sheep.
Alas! alas!
She is a hundred times, a thousand times more cruel
than is the tiger in the wood.


Commentary by the Top Secret Yodeler:

Thank goodness this contestant supplied sheet music for both songs! The trills and ornaments, and different numbers of repeated phrases, in the linked performances made the melody of the first song very hard to puzzle out; and the deliberately bad performance of the second would have made learning it by ear impossible.

Should one suggest improvements to the translation of a song that is, in context, supposed to be less-than-brilliant? Perhaps not. However, in the last line of the second song, the addition of a comma and the word "a" between "hundred" and "thousand" would make the allocation of syllables and stresses more natural-sounding, changing "SHE is a HUN-dred thou-SAND times har-SHER tha-an TI-gers in FOR-ests DEEP" to "SHE is a HUN-dred, a THOU-sand times HAR-sher than TI-gers in FOR-ests DEEP."


Commentary by Top Secret Distinguished Guest:

In "I pine away night and day," I enjoyed the barrage of internal rhymes ping-ponging around within the walls of the AbAb end-rhyme scheme (with the capital letters indicating feminine rhymes). I thought this lavish expenditure of rhyme nicely evoked the use of internal rhyme in the original.

I baulked a bit at the change of the name "Iris" to "Margot", but it gradually grew on me. I suppose "Margot" also derives from the name of a flower, "Marguerite" ("Daisy").

If one considers "Janneton" (a girl's name, like "Jenny") and "mouton" ("sheep") weak rhymes, the scheme of "I had thought Janneton" is aBaacBc; furthermore, the rhymes of hélas and bois are joined by fois within the intervening line. So there's quite a bit of rhyme floating around in this song, like the first.

Downgrading all these rhymes to the simpler abacxb loses some of the ridiculously ornate feel of the original.

Yes, the second song is supposed to be inferior to the first; however, part of the joke is that M. Jourdain, lacking taste, disparages the first and prefers the second, although the two songs are similar in subject matter and tone. He can't see that the second is almost a parody of the first.

So it might be nice to keep the second song a bit over-the-top rhyme-wise, too. I would have tried to keep the contrast of the rhymes "belle" and "cruele" in the odd-numbered lines. Finding a way to keep those emphatically rhymed opposites--even very weak rhymes like "docile" and "hostile"--would have made that song funnier, I think.

That said, the translator's choice to tone down the rhymes and make the piece pedestrian to show its inferiority is a legitimate one, too, and I respect that choice.

I feel a bit sorry for Perrin (the author of that second song), whose Wikipedia entry says, "His verses are now considered mediocre, but his name remains associated with the birth of opera as an art form in France." The inclusion of his work as the butt of a joke in Molière's play probably stung at the time. Poor fellow. But I'll laugh at his little ditty anyway. "Shall I compare thee to a docile sheep?" No, please don't!

Come to think of it, "more docile than a sheep" might be funnier than "sweeter than any sheep".

Since many Sphereans are allergic to inversions, I should perhaps mention that "forests deep" strikes me as just right, in the context of artifice and mediocrity.

[Susan McLean]

I agree with the singer that the second song would be improved by adding an "a" to match up the musical phrasing with the stresses in the lyrics. It would be nice if there were more rhyme in the second song too, though "sweet" and "sheep" do have some assonance rhyme.

Susan

[R. S. Gwynn]

Even if it's supposed to be camp, " She is a hundred thousand times harsher / than tigers in forests deep" is not quite bad enough to be good.

Je croyais Janneton
Plus douce qu'un mouton

Certain Aggie jokes come to mind here.

[Catherine Chandler]

Sam said what I had planned to say about this one, esp. the phrase "forest deep" which is not inverted in the French original, camp though it most definitely is meant to be.

Unlike the TSDG, the permutation from Iris to Margot did not grow on me.

In such short verses, these failures seem amplified.

I was also disappointed that the original rhyme scheme in the Janneton piece had not been retained.

[Marion Shore]

They're both well done, but the first song needs a higher diction to match the of tone of the elegant courtly complaint, especially in contrast to the buffoonery of the second piece.

So, for instance, I would get rid of "I fell in the spell."

I would say "who is [rather than who's] your lover"

And in the last line – "what would you do to those whom you despise?" (There's an extra syllable there, but I think it could be squeezed into the trill.)

[Skip Dewahl]

"not since the time I fell in the spell of your eyes." is off meter for "Depuis qu'à vos rigueurs vos beaux yeux m'ont soumis;", as is "alas, alas! What could you do to those you despise." for "Hélas! que pourriez-vous faire à vos ennemis?"

Song 2

"equally sweet and lovely." off meter, for "Aussi douce que belle", which scans as TUM tuh TUM tuh tuh TUM tuh

"sweeter than any sheep.", off meter

Final two lines "Alas, alas! She is a hundred thousand times harsher
than tigers in forests deep." also off meter

Sometimes it's the short simple stuff that trips one up.

[Martin Rocek]

I have to agree with those who say that the first song should be a bit more courtly and the second more ludicrous; nonetheless, I enjoyed the pair and am in awe of the Yodeler.

[Mary McLean]

I too wanted something more OTT in the second, like rhyming Pammy and lamby (the French video did something like that, and I think it sets a nice tone ). But the translations do work as they are.

[Kyle Norwood]

I agree with the several people who would like to see more of a contrast between the two songs. To have the appropriate comic impact, the ridiculousness of the second song should be more emphasized.

[Brian Allgar]

For some reason, when I play it, I only get the first of the two pieces performed by the Yodeller, so I can't comment on the second one.

In a piece only four lines long, I think it's a pity that in the last line:

xxalas, alas! What could you do to those you despise.

the word "to" falls unnaturally on an accented note.