2015 ERATOSPHERE TRANSLATION BAKE-OFF
MAIN EVENT ENTRY C
Title:
"The Song of the Long-gone Ladies" ("Ballade des dames du temps jadis")
Lyricist and Composer:
French lyrics by Francois Villon (1431-c.1463); music by Georges Brassens (1921-1981)
Translator's Note:
These are two heroes of mine; Villon the subjective realist and Brassens the singer-songwriter with the same outlook, separated by centuries but singing together off the same hymn-sheet.
Sung Versions:
1.)
French lyrics, performed by Georges Brassens
2.)
The contestant's English translation, performed a cappella by the Top Secret Yodeler
The Competitor's Translation:
The song of the Long-gone Ladies.
Tell me where, in what foreign place
Is the lovely Flora-the-Roman
Alcibiades and Thaïs
Who were surely two cousins-german,
Or Echo who answers a hand-clap
Across every river and pond,
Much more than a mere human man-trap,
........But where does snow go when it’s gone?
Saintly Heloise, where is she,
For whose sake, ordained and castrated,
Abelard hid in St Denis,
By his love so cruelly fated?
And likewise the queen, known forever
For condemning poor Buridan
To be chucked in a sack in the river?
........But where does snow go when it’s gone?
Queen Blanche, immaculate iris
Whose voice drove strong men insane, or
Bertha Broadfoot, Beatrice, Alice,
Aremburgis, Countess of Maine, or
Joan the good girl from Domrémy
Whom the English burned at Rouen,
Where are they now, Blessed Lady?
........But where does snow go when it’s gone?
Ah, Prince, whether weekly or yearly
Their fate is debated upon,
All you’ll gain’s this refrain, which is merely –
........But where does snow go when it’s gone?
Original French Lyrics
Dictes moy où, n’en quel pays,
Est Flora la belle Romaine;
Archipiada, ne Thaïs,
Qui fut sa cousine germaine,
Echo, parlant quand bruyt on maine
Dessus riviere ou sus estan,
Qui beauté eut trop plus qu’humaine?
Mais où sont les neiges d’antan?
Où est la très sage Héloïs,
Pour qui chastré fut et puis moyne
Pierre Esbaillart à Saint Denis?
Pour son amour eut cest essoyne.
Semblablement, où est royne
Qui commanda que Buridan
Fust geté en ung sac en Seine?
Mais où sont les neiges d’antan?
La royne Blanche comme lys,
Qui chantoit à voix de sereine,
Berthe au grand pied, Bietris, Allys,
Harembourgis qui tint le Mayne,
Et Jehanne, la bonne Lorraine,
Qu’Anglois bruslèrent à Rouen;
Où sont-ils, Vierge souveraine?
Mais où sont les neiges d’antan?
Prince, n’enquerez de sepmaine
Où elles sont, ne de cest an,
Que ce refrain ne vous remaine:
Mais où sont les neiges d’antan?
The Competitor's Literal English Prose Crib:
Tell me where, or in which country
Is Flora, the beautiful Roman;
Archipiade (Alcibiades?), born Thaïs
(suggesion of transgenger – nobody knows for sure)
Who was her first cousin
(or cousin-german, the expression is still current in genealogy)
Echo, speaking when one makes noise
(I’ve not confused maine & main; I cheated for the rhyme)
Over river or on pond,
Who had a beauty too much more than human?
But where are the snows of yesteryear
(Let’s let Rossetti have it!)
Where is the very wise Heloise,
For whom was castrated, and then (ordained as) a monk,
Peter Abelard in Saint-Denis ?
For his love he had this sentence.
Similarly, where is the Queen
Who ordered that Buridan
Was thrown in a sack into the Seine?
But where are the snows of yesteryear!
The queen Blanche (white) as a lily
(iris is a more accurate translation. Says me)
Who sang with a Siren's voice;
Bertha of the Big Foot, Beatrix, Alice
Harembourgis who ruled over the Maine,
And Joan the good (female from) Lorraine
Whom the English burned in Rouen;
Where are they, Virgin Queen?
But where are the snows of yesteryear!
Prince, do not ask me in this week
Where they are - neither in this year,
Lest I only this refrain will remain for you
But where are the snows of yesteryear!
Commentary by Top Secret Yodeler:
I really enjoyed singing this one. Lucky thing--this song had the most aborted attempts and do-overs of all the entries. The melody line squiggles like a seismograph on its way across more than an octave (A4 to C#5), and it was very tricky to find places to breathe in that much-enjambed third stanza.
These five lines gave me particular trouble, due to unorthodox stresses or extra syllables:
S2L2: For whose sake, ordained and castrated,
S2L5: And likewise, the queen known forever
S2L7: To be chucked in a sack in the river?
S3L1: Queen Blanche, immaculate iris
S4L3: All you'll gain's this refrain, which is merely--
Commentary by Top Secret Distinguished Guest:
This entry definitely had the most entertaining prose crib. You've got to admire the sheer ballsiness of saying "Let's let Rossetti take it!" on the repetend. Fortunately, the translator's confidence that his or her own repetend could bear the comparison was well-placed.
Re S1L3, my edition of Villion contains this note:
Quote:
Archipiades : le Grec Alcibiade, souvent pris au Moyen Age pour une femme.
[Archipiades : the Greek (man) Alcibiades, often taken during the Middle Ages for a woman.
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Alcibiades appears as a character in several Platonic dialogues, and Socrates clearly has the hots for him; perhaps characterizing the Athenian general as a woman made these works more palatable to Church authorities. (I wish there were more of a citation for this, though, as I've never seen this note confirmed anywhere else.) Thanks to the diaspora of Greek scholars after the fall of Constantinople in 1453, translations of Plato might have been newly available in Paris during Villon's lifetime.
I'd never heard the "Alcipiades, ne Thaïs" line described as a transgender situation, with Alcipiades and Thaïs being the same person. The "ne" of S1L4 strikes me as an archaic "or", rather than the past participle "né", meaning "born".
I'd also never heard "cousin german" used in English before, but I Googled it, and lo and behold, it's actually a term of genealogy. I still think less arcane language would be more effective here.
The hilarious "man-trap" description of Echo in S1L7 is a bit too irreverent, but I like it anyway.
S2L4 ("By his love so cruelly fated") probably refers only to
Peter Abelard's love for
Heloise having ultimately led to his castration; however, I'm concerned that "by his love" might be taken to mean that "his love", Heloise herself, ordered this cruel punishment, just as
Margaret of Burgundy was reputed to have ordered
Jean Buridan thrown in a sack in the Seine. I hope not, since the castration was Heloise's outraged uncle's idea, not her own. I suppose the pair's love letters are famous enough that I needn't worry about misreadings, though.
I would have preferred "la très sage" Heloise to have remained "wise" or "learned" in the translation, rather than "saintly". Her brains were attractive to Abelard.
"Ordained" is not quite the right word for becoming a monk, since monks are not ordained unless they are also deacons or priests. "Tonsured", perhaps?
I can see why S3L1's "Queen Blanche, immaculate iris" posed problems for the Top Secret Yodeler, and I wonder if the weak rhyme with "Alice" is worth the change from "lily".
S3L7 ("Where are they now, Blessed Lady?") seemed a beat short on the page, but in sung performance the extra time spent on "they" underscores the word. This emphasis seems fitting to me, since Villon uses the masculine "ils" instead of the feminine "elles" for "they", and is thus talking about the English, now returned to either England or Calais, rather than just the ladies themselves (as often translated). I've long suspected that the poem is patriotic in nature, since the women named (with the exception of those in the first stanza and the invocation of Jesus's mother in the third) are all French.
Queen Blanche was probably
Blanche of Castille, mother of Louis IX, saint and king of France, and the "Alis" mentioned here may be her sister,
Alix of France;
Bertha Broadfoot was the mother of Charlemagne; "Bietris" may refer to
the Countess of Dia; "Aremburgis" is
Erembourg du Maine. The finale of this list of French heroines is the greatest French heroine of them all. The English who executed her a half-century before had, indeed, more or less vanished from France by the time of Villon (except in Calais), and that would probably still have been a source of French pride.
This military interpretation also seems in keeping with more traditional
ubi sunt ("Where are they now? In their graves, that's where!") poems, which sometimes lament the loss of whole generations of young men to war.
But "Where are they now, Blessed Lady?" still seems a beat short on the page, so it really needs the performance in order to work.
A stray "I" has somehow wandered into the third line of the crib of S4.
Kudos to the translator for preserving the ballade rhyme scheme to this extent. The capital letters denote feminine (two-syllable) rhymes:
ababCdCd / eFeFGdGd / hIhIJdJd / KdKd /
This is a fairly close approximation of the rhyme-rich original:
aBaBBcBc / aBaBBcBc / aBaBBcBc / BcBc /
I particularly liked this translator's preservation of so many feminine rhymes. The Top Secret Yodeler may not have liked all the enjambment in the third stanza, including the "insane, or" / "Maine, or" rhyme, but I did. The two-syllable rhymes kept the original's pleasant lilt.
Bake-off Dish C--"[...]Long-gone Ladies"
Linear Mode
