There are plenty of successful poems and songs that liken dying soldiers to wilting flowers, and this could be one of them. But the title is very specific to one particular song, the one in the YouTube link above. Once the words and sounds of that song leap to mind, I don't think you can switch easily to hyacinths and wisterias.
It's a peculiar title problem. If you don't get the allusion, the title does nothing. If you do, I think it overpowers the poem.
John
|