This one has an arresting concept and grabs attention right from the title.
The development is strong with a great, self-descriptive turn at L10.
I particularly like “who run from love and moan it flees from me” and “Move from the window, mate”.
The ending is striking and I don’t have a big problem with the extra syllable in the last line. It works well enough with a pause after “off”, and this one isn’t strictly rhymed and metered.
However, I’m not sure about the way the ending ties in with what goes before. In the penultimate line, I understand that “cop it sweet” is Australian slang for “to make the best of a bad situation”, usually applied to someone who isn’t accepting it well. So the ending seems to say “stop acting like a jerk or you won’t have a woman (i.e. me) to romanticize”. But, earlier, N has accused “these men” of ridiculing her, not of attempting to woo her.
John
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