Perry, I am sorry I came across as criticizing your comments, which was not my intention. I didn't know how much experience you had had with online poetry critique, so I was trying to be helpful. I did find it helpful to hear what you liked, and your not seeing a twist in the repetition of "It's all the rage" was also helping me to see that my intended change of meaning of "rage" was not coming across. I have tried changing it.
Matt, I did mean "rage" to imply "rage against the dying of the light." I don't know whether my new version of the last sentence helps or not, but I thought I would give it a try. I have also tried rewording L4 to make it more visual. "Limitless choice" was inspired by Red Lobster's promotion of offering "endless shrimp," which actually helped to sink the restaurant chain.
Susan
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