An "empty" heart makes me think of the one my daughter donated to UCLA after her transplant. (Could be just me....)
The candelabra/opera rhyme is great fun.
I wonder if the two "and"s in these lines (one unstressed, one promoted) might be tinkered with:
with bumptious daffodils and scents that smart,
birdsong as fervid and intense as opera.
—> Something like:
with bumptious daffodils, sharp scents that smart,
birdsong fervid, shrill, intense as opera.
That would be an awful lot of adjectives, but hey, it's Baroque and over-ornamented, right?
Cheers,
Julie
|