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Unread 03-31-2025, 09:21 PM
Julie Steiner Julie Steiner is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: San Diego, CA, USA
Posts: 8,665
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An "empty" heart makes me think of the one my daughter donated to UCLA after her transplant. (Could be just me....)

The candelabra/opera rhyme is great fun.

I wonder if the two "and"s in these lines (one unstressed, one promoted) might be tinkered with:

with bumptious daffodils and scents that smart,
birdsong as fervid and intense as opera.

—> Something like:

with bumptious daffodils, sharp scents that smart,
birdsong fervid, shrill, intense as opera.

That would be an awful lot of adjectives, but hey, it's Baroque and over-ornamented, right?

Cheers,
Julie
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