The line from Prufrock came to mind for me also.
In any case, the eroticism of Rueda's poem comes through in your translation. I didn't feel any need to draw literal correspondences.
I'm not crazy about L5 - "Its breast's a tasty gift." It's difficult to say and also doesn't sound quite right to me. Is "tasty" the right word, tonally, for this poem? (Real question as I don't know much Spanish.) I also miss the specificity of "balsam" from your first version.
|