Thank you ver much John, Vera, Andrew, Matt .
John, I will indeed give some thought to your title suggestion, and I do like your suggestion re the final stanza Vera.
The reason I chose ‘remarked’ Andrew is because I wanted it read as a snide comment, but as both yourself and Matt find it a somewhat awkward construction I will just use ‘said’ and perhaps use whispers also.
Matt, think you for a very close read and good suggestions as always, I have adopted most and rewritten accordingly. Regarding the ‘older brother’ line, I’ve decided to colloqualise it , to make it clearer and perhaps add to the fun.
The final stanza, for obvious reasons, has been the one presenting the most difficulty.
I have a problem with my original use of ‘skeleton kin’.
Fundamentally it is not the skeleton kin that are locked away but the old dark secrets everybody has. This is the
point I have been attempting to make clearer and I wonder how closer I am getting to it in the rewrite above.
Thanks again all for your help, much appreciated,
Last edited by Jim Hayes; 07-21-2019 at 01:45 PM.