Ron, Mark, Andrew, Jim,
Many thanks for your comments,
I'm glad this worked for you. I really like that you heard and recognised, "the natural but commonly disrespected and disregarded anger that often comes with long term disability or illness" and I'm pleased the repetition worked for you as I'd hoped. I hadn't thought of Lyme disease, but that would work too. The symptoms I've listed aren't specific to one chronic illness. I did wonder about using 'bug' alongside sickness (which then seems to suggest a virus, though there's also 'bug' as an error). I'm not sure why you have reservations about what you wrote.
Thanks for coming back. Yes, that stanza probably doesn't work. For one thing it's likely a bit too meta, and out of keeping with the rest of the poem for that reason. It's also a bit like explaining the poem. That said I did quite like the idea of the poem's failure being its success (irrespective of whether or not it really fails).
In case it's seemed otherwise, I did find it useful to know that this wasn't working as well for you, Nemo and Andrew as it did for others, and to hear why, and I appreciated your comments. These are things I want to know. I do also see what you're saying. I'm a little on the fence about the poem myself, for the reasons you've collectively raised. Keep holding me to those high standards, please.
Andrew and Jim,
Thanks both for coming back and clarifying.