Lance,
You don't have to keep the heraldry association. I believe it is there, the escutcheon on his back for his woes that are a result of all our sins, which is a steep contrast to the red of the conquering monarchs' coat of arms who rule the world. Etc.. In any case, "abysses" to refer to heraldry is arcane in both languages- or at least in our age. You would have to make it explicit to fit the metaphor at the expense of the French you have. Forget about veering away from the French and go for the French.
That said, your S2 is outstanding. S1 doesn't do it for me with "blazonry." Also, I don't get enough of the difference or demarcation that de la Ceppede immediately sets up in S1. That is why there can be association with heraldry later on. The coat of arms is the first item on the menu.
"The victorious prince is not like those whose coat of arms reflect their conquering greatness. No, he is not like them and his coat of arms will be such and such purple, mocked and scorned, and with red abysses of wounds across his back, signalling his pedigree as the highest, beyond all kings. Truly beyond purple."
Just a thought or two, Lance. It's coming along. Just punch the bag furiously, then forget about it and then come back to it.
Don
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