Thread: Poltergeist
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Unread 03-18-2024, 10:20 PM
John Boddie John Boddie is offline
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Jim - This is a good foundation for a piece that might improve further. You might consider the following:

Poltergeists are commonly associated with some form of physical action - the painting in a group that unexplainably hangs askew despite all efforts to align it properly or the single cufflink that winds up with your wife's rings and the sock that can't be found after the laundry is complete. At the moment, you have rainbows and thoughts. Adding some physicality might help.

The line "rendering my preexisting thoughts momentarily obsolete" smacks of over-writing. Its absence could make the poem stronger. "This time reappearing in disappearing darkness to rake my thoughts
across the empty sky behind my eyes, making my skin tingle." is similar.

The only thing I was able to draw from the narrative is that the poltergeists agitate the narrator. Why they do is remains a mystery.

In your position, I'd let what you have marinate a while before making additional changes.

JB
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