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Old 09-10-2018, 07:52 AM
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Michael F Michael F is offline
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Location: a foothill of the Catskills
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Oooh I love this one: it’s autobiographical and naturalistic and mystical and more straightforward than the last one you posted – though it also has layers of meaning. Can it be all those things at once? Yes, if it’s Rilke…

It’s a pity you can’t render R’s pun on “rain”, which is the first part of the plover’s name in German, but something must be lost in translation.

To answer Martin, it seems clear to me in the German that it is the something that remains silent, 'schweigsam' modifying 'ihn'.

Substantively, my only crit for you is the translation of “erhören”, for which I prefer “answer” or “hear” to “listen to” -- rain being a storied symbol, and the approach of the rain is the approach of you know what, in response to hearing a plea or prayer… yes, I realize you’d need to change the rhyme scheme, but perhaps something with hear / near or some other pair, including slant options. Something for you to consider, perhaps.

I’ll doubtless read it again and come back if I have more to say.

M
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