Thread: Rough
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Unread 08-22-2019, 12:09 PM
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RCL RCL is offline
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,415


This moved my emotions in a way I can’t quite explain. Your opening paragraph details assaults on the table to emphatically convey that violence is everywhere, as is coldness and its trope of rough patches being smoothed over by the wife/partner. In a sense, the whole story in brief (something evident in much fine literature, par 1 the bud before the flowering).

The assault by Frank and his sober attempts at redemption, the roses, patching his damage (again a non-being scarred). Her own recovery is to take the “scarred” pot he damaged suggest her independence and acceptance of life’s pulsing between violence and love. Glimpses of what lies behind or is the flip side of the “veneer” of daily life.

A stylistic note: I think you rely too much on SVO structures pivoted on “is”: a bit passive where you could make a stronger statement. Eg. Par 2, Frank is filling = Frank fills; Not sure you need “Now it’s ” there.

I like the fine use of detail as “objective correlatives” of emotion, sharp as in your poetry.

Added: It just struck me that this is a perfect contemporary rendition of Adam and Eve (as I see them).

L2 typo: its

Last edited by RCL; 08-23-2019 at 01:19 PM.
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