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05-09-2024, 07:18 PM
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: England, UK
Posts: 5,054
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Afterwards
After the universe exploded
After the universe exploded
Large chunks of matter whizzed around
In the space where the sky used to be
Which was extremely dangerous
And everyone stayed inside
Just to be on the safe side
And those of us with experience of staying inside
From our lives before the universe exploded
Gave advice to the others
And felt a little smug
But really there was no outside left
It had exploded along with the rest of the universe
And that meant there was also no inside either
Which really was extremely dangerous
But we stayed inside anyway
Because we thought it would be safer
And those of us with experience of pretending to exist
From our lives before the universe exploded
Gave advice to the others
And felt a little smug
.
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05-09-2024, 09:58 PM
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Join Date: Mar 2024
Location: Anchorage, AK
Posts: 193
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Very effective parable on how our tribalism and triumphalism will outlast the universe. The repetition, mirroring, and simple, direct language give it bite.
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05-15-2024, 10:55 AM
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: England, UK
Posts: 5,054
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Thanks for commenting Glenn, I'm glad you found things to like. And thanks for telling me how you read it, too. That's something I'm always interested to hear.
Best,
Matt
Last edited by Matt Q; 05-15-2024 at 01:24 PM.
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05-15-2024, 12:10 PM
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Ellan Vannin
Posts: 3,389
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Well, if you want to know how I read it, it's as a clever and affecting mash-up of fears brought on by the perceived approach of the apocalypse together with a wry - and slightly self-ridiculing - view of the artist as someone who has known smaller (but not small) worries for much much longer.
How accurate that is, I don't know, of course. But I like it for what I think it is, anyway.
Cheers
David
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05-15-2024, 01:41 PM
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 6,333
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What I read Matt is the end of the universe. Time's up and the planet has exploded and the narrator may or may not be reporting from the inside. First, he's cocky but then realizes that there can't be an inside without an outside. Perhaps he is something else now? I like the hermit POV. Someone who is well-skilled from experience in being cooped up finally has a moment of comeuppance over the people he/she has envied before. I don't know if that is what you intended but I like thinking of it that way.
What I'm of two minds about is the type of narration. The flatness is like a report, a scientific report, or a newspaper article, which fits quite well. There is a bit of me, however, that wants a little more spark, and frisson in the language. That is secondary, though.
Overall, I like it.
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05-24-2024, 01:32 PM
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Join Date: May 2024
Location: Wilmette, IL
Posts: 11
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Hi Matt--
I've been haunting the metrical poetry forum for a couple of weeks, but then thought I'd take a peek over here to see the work of those whom I might, ordinarily, think of as the exiles. The first poem I found (ironically) was yours. I truly did laugh out loud. Well done. I think you've been brilliant in your use of repetition with difference between the two strophes. And while there is definitely a stoic humor here, there is also something quite dark underneath. This is the voice of the invisible ones whistling in the dark, waiting for their moment to shine, which, they really do know, is never. I think the flatness, the repetition, the wry humor all works really well. Thank you for this offering.
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