[Brian Allgar]

Because of the pestilential and rebarbative diktat against posting comments in verse outside the ghetto, I've started this thread in response to Chris O'Carroll's thread that he started in response to ... well, you can fill in the dots.

So who was Shakespeare? A boy, a girl, or something entirely different? Your guess is as good as mine, if not better.

"I just wish it were proven that Shakespeare was a Jewish guy who lived on Long Island." (Roger Slater)


OK, ya got me up against the wall:
I’m Jewish, black, and what is more I’m female,
A dwarf (that’s right, I’m less than four feet tall),
Live on Long Island - no, I’m not a “shemale”.
My pen-name’s “Shakespeare”, and I wrote it all -
For proof, send details of your bank by email.

[John Whitworth]

Oh I love a man who can use the word rebarbative. Here's something I prepared earlier.

A friend of mine has Shakespeare as her computer helper.

Doctor William

William sits on my computer.
William watches all I do.
William is my troubleshooter.
William.
William?
William who?

Beardy William, baldy William,
William flowery, William terse,
Fancy William, pansy William,
William verse and worse.

William wily, William smiley,
William miserable as Job
William moody, William broody
William of the Globe.

Silly William, William Wiseguy,
William Mad and William Sane
English Willam, Roman William
William the Dane.

Graveyard William, Wormcast William,
Lying William, William True,
Flirty Willam, Dirty William,
William You-know-who.

Doctor William Shakeshaft-Stealscene,
William Upstart-Crow,
Doctor William No-wise
No-where
No-how
Doctor
KNOW!

[Brian Allgar]

That should put her in her place, John.

[Janice D. Soderling]

I just love watching old dogs learn to sit.

You are true role models for those old geezers who would rather roll over and play dead (old trick, doesn't count) than read the guidelines, Brian and John. You come to the right place.

I hope you get a delicious Saturday night supper as well-deserved reward. And a cognac with your coffee.

[Ann Drysdale]

Go on, old dogs - take the treat, wag your tails - and then pee in her slippers!

(Sorry, Janice, but that was wee bit condescending. As a woman writer I needed to disassociate myself from it... )

ps - I speak as one of the bitches who has twice had to stop herself from posting illegitimate replies within the last twenty-four hours.

[Janice D. Soderling]

Oh, I'm still laughing out loud.

I totally understand, Ann. The devil made you do it. I am also easily tempted.

But really--in my shoe! Suppose someone comes along and wants to drink champagne out of it? How about them dogs pee on the rug instead?

[Brian Allgar]

Eh? Wossup, Janice? I was replying to Roger's remark in strict compliance with the guidelines ("Keep Off The Verse").

As for the Saturday night supper, I'm just off to prepare it.

[Janice D. Soderling]

Yes, you were, Brian, and I was complimenting you for it. Bon appétit.

[Brian Allgar]

Oh, yes, Janice, I see now. I misread it the first time. Just goes to show that you can't persuade old dogs to go to the optician's.

Fennel, avocado and Madagascar prawns, with homemade dill mayonnaise (yeah, with a whisk, none of that cheating with machines).

And by the way, I once drank champagne out of a lady's - well, not slipper, but evening shoe.

Wouldn't do it these days, of course. Never know what you might catch.

[Duncan Gillies MacLaurin]

He might have been Jewish,
and I’d risk quite a pile
on his being newish
to “this scepter’d isle”
as he’d somehow forgotten
that England’s no island
without Wales and Scotland.
An exile from Thailand?