[John Whitworth]

Well, I don't know about you, but my year's been OK. I shall be upbeat.

No. 2828: that was the year that was

You are invited to provide a retrospective commentary, in verse, on 2013. Please email entries (16 lines maximum) to lucy@spectator.co.uk by midday on 9 December. Please note the earlier-than-usual deadline, which is because of our seasonal production schedule.

[John Whitworth]

That Was The Year That Was

Come fill up your glasses with brimming good cheer.
To honour our heroes, this wonderful year,
Dauntless Dave, Gorgeous George and Implacable Nick,
Their results were superb, presentation was slick.
Unemployment is down. GNP has increased.
The armies of Brussels
Show us their muscles,
But are we downhearted? No, not in the least.

Let us toast our MPs, honest, wise and benign,
Our truthful policemen, incredibly fine,
Let us toast foreign wars with our troops on the ground,
Our windmills all so ecologically sound,
Our new Royal Charter, extremely top-notch –
Press regulation
Strengthens the nation.
Let us toast all free Britons except for the Scotch!

[Rob Stuart]

I'd never have had you down as a fan of George Galloway, John.

[John Whitworth]

I have nothing against George Galloway. But how does he come in here, Rob? aaah. I emend.

[Jerome Betts]

Goodbye ’13, you varied year,
When Richard rose and Morsi fell
And someone printed out an ear
While Thatcher went to . . . who can tell?

Some up, some down, but Murray won,
His victory hailed with cries of glee,
But other stars’ long day was done:
Frost, Seamus H., Deanna D.

Yet still, you welcomed young Prince George,
A howling future Head of State
Then let the media-vultures gorge
On shots of –Wow!– unweighty Kate.

Collapses (walls, the Gabba rout)
Typhoons, as in the Philippines?
Predictable without a doubt
From centuries in their early teens.

[Sylvia Fairley]

Originally Posted by John Whitworth

That Was The Year That Was

Come fill up your glasses with brimming good cheer.
To honour our heroes, this wonderful year,
Dauntless Dave, Gorgeous Gideon, Implacable Nick,
Their results were superb, presentation was slick.
Unemployment is down. GNP has increased.
The armies of Brussels
Show us their muscles,
But are we downhearted? No, not in the least.

Let us toast our MPs, honest, wise and benign,
Our truthful policemen, incredibly fine,
Let us toast foreign wars with our troops on the ground,
Our windmills all so ecologically sound,
Our new Royal Charter, extremely top-notch –
Press regulation
Strengthens the nation.
Let us toast all free Britons except for the Scotch!

That's the definitive one, John - I shan't even try to compete!

[Ann Drysdale]

John, what did you æmend, when did you æmend it and who the hairbrush is Gideon?

[Sylvia Fairley]

Gideon is our much-loved 'Chancer' of the Exchequer, isn't he? Changed his name to George because it didn't sound so Bullington club as Gideon.

[Ann Drysdale]

Is he? Oh. One wondered. And now one knows.

[Adrian Fry]

I looked up news items of 2013. Nothing but Islamists slaughtering (either one another or us) and global economic meltdown. Hmm.