[Chris O'Carroll]

No 4284
Set by Leonora Casement
We asked for a letter supposedly providing a reference for someone that, while seeming to praise the subject, reveals the true nature of his or her failings.

This week’s winners
Superb. Any entry with the words “wild boar project” in it will get the judges going at any time. OK, maybe not any time. Well done, all four of you. Hon menshes to Bill Greenwell (“Simply to receive one of his memoranda is to be caught smiling . . .”), Basil Ransome-Davies (“He is highly conscientious about taking his medication . . .”) and David Silverman (“On the occasions when he is in the office, he will be sure to lift staff morale . . .”). The winners get £25 each, with the Tesco vouchers going, in addition, to Michael Birt for going the extra mile.

Singularly cheerful
I have known Bernard Jones for several years and can attest that he is a singularly cheerful person, never letting an opportunity pass to crack a joke or raise a laugh in a more visual manner. Nevertheless, he is a great stickler for detail and has been known to spot errors where others have failed to do so, saving them from embarrassment and worse consequences. His kindness in pointing out slightly incorrect grammar or punctuation has rescued me on more than one occasion.
His knowledge of current affairs is phenomenal and although his views on political matters may be forthright, he is always willing to listen to another’s point of view without losing the integrity of his own opinions. He is a great asset in any debate. Although this may not be directly relevant to accountancy, his lunchtime company is always interesting and informative, making time pass very quickly.
Katie Mallett

Dynamic approach
Mr Guy Tamper has been a member of my teaching staff for eight years, minus several lengthy stays in hospital. His dynamic approach to rural science has stirred up much interest, not least through his attempt at rearing vultures (to say nothing of his wild boar project).
We are a smallish school with only one part-time nurse and it has not been easy to cope with the number of injuries to pupils and to my wife – not to mention those to Mr Tamper himself – which the individuals affected have all accepted in a truly sporting spirit as befits the ethos of our establishment.
We wish Mr Tamper every success in his next post, wherever that may be. I have long been of the opinion that an overseas position such as this could provide an appropriate opening for a man of his calibre.
R Billow, headmaster
Michael Birt

Always punctual
Mr Clitheroe joined our company as “office junior” five years ago and has continued to fill this role, despite several other appointments since to our office team. During this time, he has had many opportunities to gain new skills and build on his experience with us.
Mr Clitheroe is always punctual, at both the start and end of the day. His health record is good and he has not missed many whole days of work. Though he seems quiet, even shy, on first acquaintance, he is in reality an extrovert and has a unique sense of humour. I can honestly say that if you employ Mr Clitheroe, our office will be a different place.
I keenly recommend this candidate to you and can promise that he will soon make his presence felt among your employees. We all feel he is ready for a move and strongly support his candidature.
John Boaler

Commitment to clarity
Mr Loquat’s colourful deployment of languages, from the entirely non-verbal to informal Anglo-Saxon, attests to his absolute commitment to clarity and brevity across the communication spectrum. I have always found his perfectionism admirable; his ability to question literally every orthodoxy has created a highly energising climate of constant challenge, forcing the development of strategies we might never otherwise have required, particularly in the areas of human resources and risk management.
Colleagues and customers remark proactively on the swiftness and force of his decision-making. An effortless people manager, Mr Loquat dictates from the dead centre of any team to which he is affiliated, no matter how loosely. A creative dynamo, he is a fountain of ideas, thinking not merely outside the box but outside any constraining reality. Should you employ him? I can pay no higher compliment than to concur with his opinion that you simply must.
Adrian Fry