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12-10-2010, 10:55 AM
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Deck the Halls 2010 #1: Foxgloves
Foxgloves
Mozart does it so neatly,
answering every question posed.
I swear his concerto billowing out the porch
attracts bird song.
Their song
is not so neatly balanced as the master’s,
their melodies can end in queries
or falter in mid-arc without resolution
while no matter how far Mozart’s questing strays
it always folds back to its origin
not just by counterpoint but re-affirmation
as if the world made sense.
Beyond the porch the shaggy foxgloves
droop their furiously maculate lilac bells,
broad leaves uneven, some prematurely yellowed
and these are nothing like Mozart,
more ragged life, shedding and beautiful,
its messy menstrual necessities even
in crescendo trumpeting decay.
(In fact when earlier I tried to straighten
the foxgloves’ winding stalks
they would have none of it.
See how they curl like snakes?)
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___________ The plain vanilla repeat below is for those with clunky old browsers ______
Foxgloves
Mozart does it so neatly,
answering every question posed.
I swear his concerto billowing out the porch
attracts bird song.
Their song
is not so neatly balanced as the master’s,
their melodies can end in queries
or falter in mid-arc without resolution
while no matter how far Mozart’s questing strays
it always folds back to its origin
not just by counterpoint but re-affirmation
as if the world made sense.
Beyond the porch the shaggy foxgloves
droop their furiously maculate lilac bells,
broad leaves uneven, some prematurely yellowed
and these are nothing like Mozart,
more ragged life, shedding and beautiful,
its messy menstrual necessities even
in crescendo trumpeting decay.
(In fact when earlier I tried to straighten
the foxgloves’ winding stalks
they would have none of it.
See how they curl like snakes?)
Last edited by Alex Pepple; 12-11-2010 at 01:25 PM.
Reason: Added a non-decked version ... for the browser-challenged.
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12-10-2010, 10:59 AM
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Join Date: Dec 1999
Location: San Jose, CA
Posts: 5,078
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And, we're off with Deck the Halls, 2010!
As your host for this event, I now declare this event open and encourage one and all to read, enjoy ... and if the spirit moves you, add a comment or two.
Welcome again to Catharine! And I urge everyone to make her feel welcome! She will be stopping by soon with her comments.
* * *
This is free verse that can’t be accused of being chopped prose. The lines develop deliberately, perhaps due the preponderance of end-stopped lines. Each line contains about 3 or 4 stresses, looking at them from the accentual verse perspective. The contents show a writer comfortable with music and able to provide a technical analysis (dénouement?) in comprehensible every-day language through comparison with the birdsong (and I recommend the author make this one word in L4 – the standard spelling in the major dictionaries).
This is an accomplished, delightful poem that rewards reading and re-reading.
Cheers,
…Alex
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12-10-2010, 11:20 AM
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 13
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Comments on "Foxgloves"
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This fine free-verse poem is like a spiral staircase rising into the air (rather than up to a visible structure). There are subtle landings (transitions) and turnings as the poem moves toward an unpredictable conclusion. Then, there you are, at the top, having risen into space, having gotten the whole under your feet, recognizing the principle that sustains the poem, yet looking outward also. ---Although a concerto, not an opera, is mentioned, the snake and birds are oblique reminders of 'The Magic Flute.'
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Last edited by Sharon Passmore; 12-11-2010 at 08:57 AM.
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12-10-2010, 12:19 PM
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Sweden
Posts: 14,175
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I remember a discussion on foxgloves this summer on NonMet though I didn't follow along. I just remember it because I read a post or two at the time I was trying to transplant some in my own garden.
This is a lovely poem and it is nice to see a free verse opening the event. I think I remember the author but am not sure.
Fine work.
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12-10-2010, 03:08 PM
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Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 2,144
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Furiously maculate!
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12-10-2010, 07:36 PM
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Location: NYC
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It's competently done, with every word in its right place and so on, but I find it kind of boring -- all craft and cerebellum, but no edge or charm.
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12-10-2010, 07:45 PM
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Location: Takoma Park, MD
Posts: 3,706
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Except for the last four lines I might agree with you, Walter; but I love the last four lines!
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12-10-2010, 07:53 PM
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Location: Halcott, New York
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A really deft and sly use of parentheses.
Nemo
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12-10-2010, 08:17 PM
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Location: NYC
Posts: 2,343
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Yes, I agree that the parentheses are done very well and that the poem pivots at that point and provides an unexpected end (one that couldn't happen without the non-parenthetical build-up), but there's too much crescendo and not enough FORTE.
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12-10-2010, 08:44 PM
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Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 2,942
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I, too, think the concluding four lines constitute the strongest part of the poem.
minor nit: I think birdsong is one word.
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