[Jayne Osborn]

Good luck everyone. I'll need a bit of a nudge to think of something...
(I vaguely remember the Monty Python's Flying Circus sketch - "Nudge, nudge, wink, wink. A nod's as good as a wink to a blind bat. Say no more, squire", or something along those lines.)
Jayne

COMPETITION NO 142 by Tessa Castro

The Government has taken to nudging us, by asking, when we renew our
driving licences, whether we want to be organ donors, or by making us opt out of paying for pensions. So a poem, please, not necessarily on political nudging, with the title ‘Nudge, nudge’.

Entries to ‘Competition 142’ by post
(The Oldie, 65 Newman Street, London W1T
3EG), fax (020 7436 8804) or email
(comps@theoldie.co.uk) by 23rd September.
Don’t forget to include your postal address.

[John Whitworth]

Strange that nobody has tried this. Except me, that is.

Nudge, Nudge

The minds of far too many men
Are like a running sewer,
Or like a suppurating wen
For which there is no cure.
To me the smoky devils’ den
Is lacking in allure.
My strength is as the strength of ten
Because my heart is pure.

My alphabet I guarantee
A sanitative qwerty.
Those reams of filthy poetry
Just make me very shirty.
I am a tower of piety.
I’m neither fast nor flirty.
Ten men are not as strong as me
Because I’m never dirty.

[Jayne Osborn]

Thanks for nudging this one, John. I was going to, but haven't written anything yet that will suffice -
Know what I mean, squire, nudge nudge, wink wink?

I can't get my head beyond Monty Python at the moment, dammit

[Ann Drysdale]

Pure Poetry

The headline in the Sunday Sport, above
a friend’s excellent and unsalacious poem.
Page 41, August 21st 2011.

Upskirt, Whaletail, Cameltoe and Titty
All for a trawl in the red-top kitty
Nipslip, Beaverclip, Crotch-shot and Botty
Who’s for a little bit of paparazzi totty?
Who wants an eyeful? Join the queue.
Wardrobe malfunction – woo-hoo-hoo!
Cruise-boys! News, boys! Mimsy-glimpse!
Make a little payment to the paper-pimps.
Download, Overload, Shootload and Perv
Let’s put the body into body-swerve
Twist it, turn it, look at it askance
Make it serve a purpose in a solitary dance.
If you don’t wanna wank to the strippy-titty tease,
Howzabout some poetry? Oooo - Yes, please!

[John Whitworth]

The blushful Hippocrene, Ann. A winner surely.

[Ann Drysdale]

Thanks, John. If you think it's worth a go, I'll adjust the title. Did you know the nipple-count in that edition is 92? Not that I counted, you understand; it says so in a box on page two.

[John Whitworth]

That would be 46 er, busts, would it?

[Ann Drysdale]

Not necessarily.

[John Whitworth]

There's a statue of a goddess, i think in Rome, with fifty breasts. She looks like a fir cone.