[John Whitworth]

I've just been trying to write a piece on these competitions. I said there were three winners who outpaced all the rest. nd here they are. Bazza, Bill Greenwell and Chris O'Carroll. Well done chaps, we always knew you had it in you. I got an hon mensh, as you se. There were two of us stood outside the door for being rude.

The new competition is a cinch. If I don't win something I'll eat my hat. I've done loads of these. But so have you, I expect. On! On!

No. 2737: Double dactyl
You are invited to submit a double dactyl, i.e., a poem of two quatrains, of which the last line of the first rhymes with the last line of the second. All the lines except the rhyming ones, which are truncated, are composed of two dactylic feet. The first line of the first stanza is a double dactylic nonsense line (e.g., higgledy-piggledy/jiggery-pokery). The second must be a double dactylic name. At least one line of the second stanza (ideally the antepenultimate one) must be one double dactylic line that is one word long, e.g., ‘va-le-dic-tor-i-an’. Please email entries, if possible, to lucy@spectator.co.uk by midday on 29 February.

[Jayne Osborn]

We did this for a 'Staggers' comp about three months ago.

[Chris O'Carroll]

Originally Posted by Jayne Osborn

We did this for a 'Staggers' comp about three months ago.

Indeed we did Jayne. And I'm sure I won't be the only one dusting off some non-winners from that comp. Although that one specified contemporary figures with double-dactylic names. This one doesn't exclude figures from the past (nor fictional characters, for that matter), so I'll also try to come up with some fresh, new entries.

[FOsen]

Tssskety-taskety,
Ellen DeGeneres,
Penney’s new spokeswoman
Bigots deplore.

If she’s not sacked, they say,
Hyperemphatically,
They’ll buy their pitchforks at
Some other store.

With apologies to Chris (he knows why) -
Does this ring even the vaguest of bells among Brits?

[Jayne Osborn]

Vaguest of the vague bells for me, Frank. I remember Ellen de G suddenly declaring herself to be gay, but Penny and pitchforks don't chime with me!

Mind you, I hardly ever watch telly, so don't take this as the general viewpoint.

Jayne

[Jayne Osborn]

Hickory Dickory,
Lucinda Vickery.
Staggers did this one quite
recently. Drat!

People will send you their
dismally-dactylly
trickery poetic
failures from that.

[John Whitworth]

Nice one, Jayne. Someone somewhere said That nobody had ever done one with Titus Andronicus. Well now.

Higgledy-piggledy,
Titus Andronicus
Didn't have lots of
Success as a dad,

Antediluvian,
Monomaniacal.
But as a cook he was
Not at all bad.

[Martin Elster]

How many of these are you allowed to send in one e-mail?

[John Whitworth]

Good question. I don't know. Ten? How many did the Staggers allow, Jayne?

[basil ransome-davies]

I emailed Lucy about this & she said she would allow 2 & would announce it in next Speccie.